Aerial

These are my weight goals for the upcoming year and beyond.  It helped to do this in the past so hopefully it will help this time.  I want nice narrow hips and small bottom, I want to be little the way I was  2-3 years ago now.

   16-26% body fat is lean.

   26.5-30% body fat is ideal.

   30.5-35.5% body fat is average.

   36-39% body fat is overweight.

January 2106  221.8 down to216
February 2016  216 down to 212
March 2016 212 down to 198  -first 10% 199 lbs
April 2016  198 to 194 –FIRST QUARTER 196 lbs
May 2016 194 down to 190
June 2016 190 down to 186
July 2016  186 down to 182
August 2016 182 down to 178 –second 10% 178 lbs
September 2016 178 down to 174
October 2016 174 to170 –HALF WAY 170 lbs
November 2016 170 down to 166
December 2016 166 down to 162

January 2017 162 down to 158 –third 10% 161 lbs
February 2017 158 down to 154
March 2017 154 down to 150
April 2017 150 down to 146
May 2017 146 to 142 -third 10% 145 lbs –THREE QUARTERS
June 2017 142 down to138
July 2017 138 down to 134
August 2017 134 down to 130 -fifth 10% 130 lbs
September 2017 130 down to 126
October 2017 126 down to 122
November 2017 122 down to 118
December 2017 118 down to 114 -sixth 10% -117 lbs

Goal = 115-121 lbs or 18-23% body fat.

DIET is to eat up to 1000 calories of starch, fat and protein per day.
All fresh fruit and veg is free, so I never have to be hungry.
Also have a reserve of 1400 calories per week to use as I see fit; either all in one day, or a little bit per day, or none at all.

MEASUREMENTS as of Monday Jan 31:
Bust 47.5"
Underbust 40"
Waist 45.5"
Hip 47"

PROGRESS:
Thursday Feb 4 -214.2 pounds
Friday Feb 5 -213.8 pounds  Still get tired after walking, had to take 15 min. nap!

Rejoined!

I rejoined Weight Watchers!  I've felt a lot more settled lately, my shoulder is almost completely healed, and so the time is right.

I just have to stay focused on my goal, the goal of feeling as good and self-confident as I did 2 years ago at this time.

m{""":)_AQ8  --doggy entry translation: 
I changed your fb status; you're in a relationship with me.

This year they want us to follow a program where we don't count points, just choose from certain foods and eat as much as we like for the first 2 weeks.  It's a nice idea, I wanted to try it in the past but never did, so like the opportunity to try it now.

Goal weight is in the 130s.  Thank you god for helping me to be slim and healthy and stay slim and healthy for the rest of my life.

Weight Watchers weigh-in on May 3 was 207 lbs.  This morning my homescale was 202.5 lbs.  I can't find my lovely, perfect, treasured Omron scale but when and if I do (if I didn't accidently sell it with all my other belongings) then I will add that data to this blog along with my measurements.

Practical

Been thinking about what I want versus what I really want.  I may have a little trouble making decisions between ideal versus practical.

For example:  I want a sporty little British racing car green Jaguar convertible car with tan upholstered interior, versus what I find to be really useful, with very little maintenance, is a little red Pontiac Vibe (a hatchback) with black floors and a lighter gray interior.  A car I feel comfortable driving on the county park gravel roads and walking my dog through mud, then letting him jump onto the car seats with his dirty feet and sometimes dirty bottom too.  A car I feel comfortable sitting in wet and sandy after swimming in the lake.  A car I can go to the second hand shop and buy furniture and feel confident it will fit in the back of my car.  It almost always does too, but on rare occasions when it doesn't there is a trailer hitch for pulling a light trailer with very light loads too.

So ideal versus practical in regards to my figure:  I want a super slender and delicate ballerina strong figure, versus what I really want is a healthy, slim figure, but with enough cushion that I don't feel faint every time I just need a little swig of water, or experience sugar drops that make me feel shakey and sleepy until I gulp down a few calories; a figure that allows me to have one alcoholic beverage without ending up laying sick on the cool tile floors next to the toilet all night.

When I weighed 125-130 I would end up laying sick on the cool tile floors next to the toilet after one drink.  I've always been very reactive to sugars.  But when I weighed 140-150 I felt definately too plump, uncomfortable and less healthy.

So my practical goal range is around 130-140, or 135.  I think this gives me the slimness I want with the heartiness I need to feel confident.   It's been a long time since I've been that slim but I think that's my most practical goal weight.

Now what I need to do is figure out a plan to get there that is practical too.  Maybe if I remain focused on practical, sorting it out from ideal, this will help me choose best to get down to a healthy goal weight. 

Redux

Alright, its time to get back to business.  I need to have a plan and this is it.  I'll base it on the Weight Watchers plan, without joining Weight Watchers.

Keeping it simple:

-most importantly, undressed, high-nutrition vegetables and fruits are free, no calories counted, unlimited portions.  No excuse to ever be hungry.
-every day the calorie limit is 880-1040 counted calories.
-every week there is an optional, additional 1960 calories over the daily limit, to be used throughout the week or even all in one day!
-aim to drink 6 cups of water per day or more.
-aim to be vegan when reasonable.
-aim to plan 7 meals to grocery shop every week.
-any and all exercise will increase weekly weight loss.
-aim to lose 1+ lb per week.

I need a little notebook that will fit in my purse, to keep track of everything I eat and drink.

I am going to have two jars and fill one with one stone for every pound I aim to lose.  As I lose weight I'll move the stones from the before jar to the after jar.

Recording current weight and measurements.  I am going to get down to a sexy, attractive weight again where I feel confident and more valuable.  Even as offensive and superficial as it sounds there is the truth that people remark that women who are thin are in a better "league".

My one year of goals must be adjusted - redone.  Goal weight is 127-145 lbs.   Stopping when I feel satisfied that I can maintain that weight comfortably for all of my life.  Remember: 115-121 lbs is 18-23% body fat.

- - - - - - - One Year of Goals - - - - - - - - - - - -
January 2014 = 197 lbs.
March 2014 = One quarter (-13 lbs) = 184 lbs.
May 2014 -One third (-17.3 lbs) = 180 lbs.
June 2014= First -10% (-20 lbs.) = 177 lbs.
July 2014 = One half (-26 lbs) = 171 lbs.
September 2014 = Two thirds (-34.7 lbs) = 162 lbs.
October 2014 = Second -10% (-18 lbs.) = 159 lbs.
October 2014 = -Three quarters (-39 lbs) = 158 lbs
January 2015 = -Four quarters (-52 lbs) = 145 lbs.
January 2015 = Third -10% (-16 lbs) = 143 lbs.
May 2015 = Fourth -10% (-14 lbs) = 129 lbs.
July 2015 = Fifth -10% (-13) = 116 lbs.

- - - - - - - One Year by Month - - - - - - - - - - - -
January 2014 = 196 lbs or 14 stone.
February 2014 = 191 lbs or 13 stone 9 lbs.
March 2014 = 186 lbs or 13 stone 4 lbs.
April 2014 = 182 lbs or 13 stone.
May 2014 = 178 lbs or 12 stone 10 lbs.
June 2014 = 173 lbs or 12stone 5 lbs.
July 2014 = 169 lbs or 12 stone 1 lb.
August 2014 = 165 lbs or 11 stone 11 lbs.
September 2014 = 160 lbs or 11 stone 6 lbs.
October 2014 = 156 lbs or 11 stone 2 lbs.
November 2014 = 152 lbs or 10 stone 12 lbs.
December 2014 = 147 lbs or 10 stone 7 lbs.
January 2015 = 143 lbs or 10 stone 3 lbs.
February 2014 = 139 lbs or 9 stone 13 lbs.
March 2015 = 134 lbs or 9 stone 8 lbs.
April 2015 = 130 lbs or 9 stone 4 lbs.
May 2015 = 126 lbs or 9 stone.
June 2015 = 121 lbs or 8 stone 9 lbs.
July 2015 = 116 lbs or 8 stone 4 lbs.

KEY:

Obese = 188+ lbs. (My BMI obese is 175+ lbs.)

Overweight = 155-187 lbs. (My BMI overweight is 145-174 lbs.)

Average Large = 134-154 lbs. (My BMI normal large is 132-144 lbs.)

Average Medium = 124-133 lbs. (My BMI normal medium is 120-131 lbs.)

Average Small = 112-123 lbs. (My BMI normal small is 108-119 lbs.)

Damp

I feel moldy and lost.  Humid and too warm. Ungrounded.  What I once believed; that rug has been pulled out from under me and I'm unfamiliar with the ground that I stand on.    Much of what I used to value and care about, no one around me values those same things.  The music and art I love are not understood and valued by those I now know.  Basic human values differ.  I'm in a foreign world.

Ok, since I feel lost I need a plan.  I'll start with what makes me feel good.  Being slim and working towards staying slim makes me feel good.  I feel confident in myself, and optimistic, and wear cute clothes.

I faced the scale. . . .starting point is 178 lbs.  Hear that world?!  I'm going to be slim! I'm going to make my first goal to reach 148 lbs by September 2013.  From there I'll decide what next to do.  This is a very aggressive 3-Month Plan:

May 2013 178 -->170
June 2013  170 --> 162
July 2013  162 --> 156
Aug 2013  156 --> 148
Sep 2013  148 --> ?   see where I am and assess from there.

Eventual long term goal is 115-121 lbs  or 18-23% body fat.

More goals are to eat healthy veg and fruit, take vitamins. Start daily walks. Weigh everyday. Drink lots of water.

A new goal is to do more exfoliation and moisturizing of my skin because it feels so good to the touch and makes me feel more attractive.  No more nail polish but yes to keeping nails manicured and buffed.

Doctor Doctor

My dear favorite Dr Fuhrman was on the Dr Oz show on June 4 introducing a 7-day crash diet. Part one. Part two. I'm going to try it.

Dr Fuhrman's website discussion page stated I should expect to detox when starting to eat this way, which means I might not feel so great this week, therefore do not start a new exercise regimen, more than just walking 30+ minutes per day, continuing what I'm already doing.

This is the 90% vegetable, fruit, beans, seeds, nuts, whole grain/10% oil, low-fat protein and dairy plan:
Breakfast: plain oatmeal with flax Seeds, BERRIES and fruit.
Lunch: Bean patties, soups, and dips with veggies.
Dinner: Greens and veggie stir-fry, pizza, salad, with ONIONS and MUSHROOMS.
Anytime:  shakes made with fruit juice, lemon juice, ice, water, and berries.

Beans are a dieters best friend because they keep you full, and are high in resistent starch, meaning that half the calories consumed can not be absorbed.  They reduce blood sugar, and create fatty acid butyrate which may burn fat faster.  Butyrate improves mitochondrial function in your cells, leading to a decrease in fat.

To flush fat from your body you need to release the toxins that are keeping you swollen with fat and fluid.  BERRIES, ONIONS, and MUSHROOMS are anti-angiogenic which means they starve fat cells by cutting off the  blood supply to fat cells, and by growing new capillary blood vessels.  The more you eat of these foods the more you will lose.

Also note:  Dr Joel Fuhrman suggests body fat of <23% for women, <12% for men.  From my start weight of 121, I aim to lose 100 lbs; but his suggested goal is 111-115 lbs.

Day 1, Sunday June 24, homescale 158.5 lbs.
B:  1/4 c Irish steel cut oats, 1 Tbl oat bran, 1 Tbl ground flax, 1/2 banana, 1 c berries.
L:  1/2 c. beans w/onion, [1 oz cheddar], tortilla, salad w/fat-free dressing, kiwi.
      My purse was stolen from my car.
D:  [1 Bisquick shortbread, 1 c frozen yogurt], strawberries, [ginger ale].

Day 2, Monday  June 25, homescale 158.5 lbs.
L:  [3 scoops Herbalife shake, protein bar]
D:  1/2 c beans w/onion, [1 oz cheese], tortilla, salad w/fat-free dressing.

Day 3,Tuesday June 26, homescale 157.5 lbs.
B: grapes
L:  [2 scoops Herbalife shake, german chocolate brownie]
D:  salad [w/6 croutons] and 2 Tbl fat-free dressing.
A:  [1/2 c. frozen yogurt] strawberries, grapes.
    I have to try harder, maybe extend the diet by 3+ days.

Day 4, Wednesday June 27, homescale 157.5 lbs.
B:  1/4 c Irish oats, 1 Tbl oat bran, 1 Tbl ground flax, 1 oz walnuts, 1/2 banana, 1/2 c berries.
L:  grapes.
D: [take-away Szechuan tofu and veg with 2 Tbl white rice. 1 fortune cookie.]

Day 5, Thursday June 28, homescale 155.5 lbs.
L:  baby carrots, cherries.
D:  [take-away Szechuan tofu and veg, 1 small carrot cake, 1 fortune cookie.]
A:  1/2 serving grape chia kombucha

Day 6, Friday June 29, homescale 157 lbs.
B: 1/4 c Irish oats, 1 Tbl oat bran, 1 Tbl ground flax, 1/2 banana, 1/2 c berries.
L:  1 c beans and onions, tortilla, [1 oz cheese, salsa, 3 diet root beers].
   Purse was found.
D:  6 oz almonds, [1 sundae drumstick, 1 c frozen yogurt].
A:  1 bunch grapes, 12 cherries.

Day 7, Saturday June 30, homescale 157.5 lbs.
B:  1/4 c Irish oats, 1 Tbl oat bran, 1 Tbl ground flax, 1/2 banana, 1/2 c berries.
L:  [microwave popcorn, 1-1/2 c frozen yogurt].
D:  salad w/2 Tbl fat-free dressing.
A:  kale chips, 1/2 frozen banana [dipped in chocolate] and nuts.

Day 8, Sunday July 1, homescale 156.5 lbs.
B:  lime greek yogurt.
L:  salad w/2 Tbl fat-free dressing, 2 cobs corn [w/1 tsp butter, 1/2 cupcake, 1 diet root beer].
D:  1 c ww spaghetti, 1/2 c veggie sauce, [1 Tbl parmesan], 1/2 c lima beans, salad w/1 Tbl fat-free dressing.
A:  3 kiwis.

Day 9, Monday July 2, didn't weigh.
B:  strawberries.
L:  [Herbalife protein shake.]
D:  [frozen Asian pot stickers meal w/rice, 1/4 of Jack's cheese pizza]
A:  frozen banana [dipped in chocolate] and nuts, salad w/2 Tbl fat-free dressing.

Summary:  I did not do so well.  My cravings got stronger, as Dr Fuhrman suggested they would.  So I'm going to try this diet another week, but this time I'll use Dr Fuhrman's books and menus for more variety of ideas of how to be good.  Also I'll rely on the DrFuhrman discussion boards for support too.  Really is important to me to crack this becuase even though I'm doing fine regarding calories and the Weight Watcher system, I see the inherent problem that might be a problem in future -- the problem of not addressing, well enough, improving nutrition. Also need to add weight resistence training, but like Dr Fuhrman suggests, don't worry about this yet, just work at getting over "toxic hunger" first.

p.s. The official Weight Watchers weight is 159.4 lbs for Tuesday June 26.  Omron scale is 158.8 lbs, 27.2 BMI, body fat 43.1%, muscle 23.6%, need 1414 kcal to maintain weight, visceral fat = 8.  Measurements:
Bust 42.5"
Rib 34.75"
Waist 37.25"
Hips 40"
Bicep 12.5" right
Thigh 21.75" right

p.p.s.Last week my WW leader said "You're in the 150's!" and I kept repeating that to myself all week.  This week my workmate who goes to WW with me told me that her 12-year old son said this about me "That skinny lady is really nice."  So you can imagine how happy that makes me.  I'll be repeating that as often as I can!!

Tuesday

Tuesday, today, is Weight Watchers weigh-in day.  The program works and I like it,  a lot.  Today on my home scale I weighed 160 lbs, which is lowest weight to date.  But I'm sure to weigh more at the official Weight Watchers meeting.

Official Weight Watchers meeting weight is 163.6 lbs. Loss of 2.4 lbs since last week, total loss of 10.6   lbs since joining WW (start weight 174.2 lbs on May 1); and 57.6 lbs since starting this in Aug 2010.

I'm very pleased this program is working.  I hope it continues to work down to and beyond my goal weight of 121 lbs.  I will lose 100+ pounds total,  I started at 221 lbs following loosely a 1500 calorie a day diet.  When I reached the boundary line between overweight and obese I stalled there at between 167 lbs and 172 lbs.  For over 6 months I kept gaining and losing the same 5 pounds.  That made sense because to maintain that weight I needed to eat around 1480 calories a day.  But until I joined Weight Watchers, I couldn't figure out how to reduce calories anymore.  It already felt too light, still feeling hunger.

I hope that I will continue to lose weight following the Weight Watchers program, lower than 121 pounds.  Because if there is ever any hope that I might ever win my one true love back, then I need to be able to maintain a weight of less than 121 pounds of the rest of my life.  That's due to my BMI, and his. He is slender and tall but muscular and I have always been a little bit softer than him.  In college my jean size was larger than his and that always bothered me.  I need to be a smaller jean size than him.  I need a smaller torso, to feel attractive.

When I met my husband I weighed around 130 and felt thinner than I've ever felt in my life.  I liked the way my breasts looked and my torso.  I thought I looked really good.  But that was after losing 20-25 pounds and I realize now that when I lose weight its hard for me to see myself objectively.  I just feel thinner and that is good enough.   This time I really need to make it to actually, honestly being slim.   Please god help me; thank you for helping me reach and maintain my goal range of 115-121 lbs.

The saddest part of course is what if I have already lost my true love for a second time?  Would that mean it was just a stupid obsession on my part; not real true love afterall? Does that mean all my life I've been kidding myself?  That is such a scarey prospect.  Would that mean I can't ever have loved anyone really?  Or how can I have fooled myself so completely about being in love?  My true love, I love you.

June 6 Omron scale:  161.6 lbs, 27.7 BMI, 44.6% fat, 22.8% muscle, need 1425 kcal to maintain current weight, 9 visceral fat. -- really need to build up muscle! Measurements:
Bust 44"
Rib 34"
Waist 36.5"
Hips 40"
Bicep 13" right
Thigh 22.25"right

New goals

My original weight loss schedule has been derailed, by now I should be ~130, but I'm ~170.  Well derailed.

So its time I start a new schedule.  Originally I thought I was a certain height, but it turns out I'm one and a half inch taller.  Thats a big difference of about 7 pounds, when it comes to weight ratios.  So my new goals will be based on actual height, even knowing full well that as I age I may lose height.

So here goes. As of Tuesday, May 1,  I weighed 174.2, starting point.

At height of 5'5.5"  Overweight is 153-182, Normal is 113-152.
At height of 5'5" Overweight is 150-179, Normal is 111-149.
At height of 5'4" Overweight is 146-174, Normal is 108-145.

Normal Large =133-145.
Normal Medium =121-133.
Normal Small = 108-120.  

174-121=53 pounds divided by 9 is 6 pounds per month.  If I could lose 6 pounds per month then I could almost still reach my goal by the end of this year. That would require that I stay very vigilent and careful, to achieve; and if I do even better then maybe I'll make it by the end of this year, within eight months.  Especially if I add regular exercise and sporadic fasting.  It is possible!  It's a goal.

May 2012 174.2 --> 168.
June 2012 168 --> 162.
July 2012 162 --> 156.
August 2012  156 --> 150
September 2012 150 -->144.
October 2012 144 --> 138.
November 2012 138 -->132.
December 2012  132 -->126.
January 2013 126-->120.

Goal = 115-121 lbs or 18-23% body fat.

Sick

Ok last week I gave up trying to lose weight by following a 1500-1800 calorie diet.  I was only maintaining with that.  In the past when I followed a 900-1200 calorie diet I lost weight but it seemed such a small amount of food, I didn't want to be stuck eating only that much for the rest of my life.  So I upped it and gained back the same 5 lbs, up and down trial and error.

But last week I decided I probably do have to follow a 1000-1200 calorie diet in order to lose weight, and then probably to maintain it for the rest of my life too.  That is worrying.  It really is a very small amount of food.  But I'm at this point around ~170 and above 170 is obese, and below 170 is overweight.

I need to get below 145, becuase ~145 and above is overweight, and below is average.  So I need to get into average.  I would love to meet my goal of 121.  That would be wonderful!  But before I can get there I have to get down below 145.

Last Thursday I weighed 167.5.  I started following a 1000 calorie diet and after 4 days,  on Monday I weighed 171.5, a gain of 4 lbs.  I was miserable all day Monday, miserable.  I'd been so hungry all weekend, and on Monday I could hardly think straight to get my work done, I was that distracted by hunger.  So on Monday I ate protein supplements, protein bar for lunch, protein drink added to my pitcher of water, protein for dinner.

On Tueday I weighed 170.   My hunger was less, so I ate more protein, protein smoothie for breakfast, protein drink added to my pitcher of water again, and protein for dinner.  Lots of vegetables.  But then Tuesday night I had been so upset that I made myself ill.  I got my nice migrane headache which lead to  me being sick, and sick again, and sick again until I had completely purged everything in my stomach.  Apparently I had digested nothing during the day and it was all just sitting there, stewing, in my stomach.

Despite the discomfort and the disgusting taste and smell, I was actually happy with being sick.  I didn't do it on purpose, but  I thought well at least it will help me lose weight.  And it did.  Today I weigh 167.  So down 1/2 pound, after one week of eating a meager 1000 calories a day.  Great.  How encouraging.

I am being sarcastic.

Oh, I'm also going to join Weight Watchers.  Its never been long haul helpful in the past, but it has helped for short term weight loss.  I am desperate.

Resolute

2012 New Years Resolution of Intention.

Within this year I am going to meet my weight goal of 121 (allowing some variance depending on comfort level); hopefully if I feel comfortable at that weight, I'll even be able to reach 111.  This goal means I have to carefully focus on eating up to 1200 cal of veggies, fruits, beans and restrict sleeping and sitting to less than 23-1/2 hours every day.

Week Four

I've been eating about 1500 calories a day but learned I need to eat no more than 1200 calories a day.  So redouble my efforts with Dr Fuhrman's plan.  Stay away from cheese, focus on S U P E R foods.

I got off my original 2-year plan by 4 months and haven't been able to make it up.   So I need to update the plan.  According to an on-line calculator, to stay at the same weight I am today I need to eat 1749  cal per day.  -500 cal per day, -3500 cal  per week is -one lb per week.

Eat 1224 cal per day to lose 50lbs by Nov 16, 2012.
Eat 1249 cal per day to lose 50lbs by Dec 3, 2012.  Lose 1 lb per week.
Eat 1312 cal per day to lose 50lbs by Jan 22, 2013.
Eat 1399 cal per day to lose 50lbs by May 2, 2013.
Eat 1486 cal per day to lose 50lbs by Oct 16, 2013.

But I got an Omron body scale recently and on December 25 my numbers were:  Weight 170.8,  BMI 29.3,  Fat 45.9%, Muscle 22.7%, Visceral fat is 9, I need 1466 kcal to maintain this weight.  Therefore to lose 1 lb a week I need to eat 939 calories per day to lose 50 lbs by Dec 3, 2012.  Goals are to gain muscle and lose fat.

Weight 171.5 lbs
Bust 44"
Rib 37"
Waist 39"
Hips 42"
Bicep 13-1/4" right
Thigh 22-1/2" right

Week Three

I have been too lax the first two weeks of following Dr Fuhrmans diet.  Especially yesterday when all I ate was pizza, fruit and diet soda.  Apart from the fruit it was junk.  I need to buckle down and follow the strict plan for the next four weeks.

I will follow Dr Fuhrman's Power Plate guidelines for eating:

1/2 of my daily calories from dark green vegetables, and another 1/2 from other vegetables, fruits, beans and legumes, nuts and seeds.
(Replacing the Grains section on the Power Plate with Seeds, Nuts and Avocados from the High Nutrient Food Pyramid.)

Now that I'm past the half way point, I need to define clearly my next goals.  When I passed the half way point I also just got out of the obese range and into the overweight range as defined by BMI numbers.  If I was still on target with my original 2-year plan goals I would be closer to 151 lbs now; and very close to being in the Normal weight range too.  My initial goal weight is 121-111 lbs.

BMI     18.5-24.9 Normal    25-29.9 Overweight   30+ Obese

                     108-145 lbs                    146-174 lbs                175+ lbs

Weight 171 lbs (but yesterday was 168.5 lbs)

Bust 43.5"

Rib 36.5"

Waist  38.5" (Women with waist of 31.5"+ is HIGH RISK)

Hips  41"

Bicep 13" right

Thigh 22" right

Healthy Goal

Reading Dr Joel Fuhrman's book Eat to Live is so reassuring.

In the first place his diet makes perfect sense to me, its what I was always imagined I'd design for myself but I worried it might be unhealthy.  Dr Fuhrman is a scientist who understands anatomy and physiology so he can explain scientifically, in ways that I just have to trust, why a vegan, low fat, high nutrition diet is healthy and safe.

Dr Joel Fuhrman also reassured me that my goal weight of 121 lbs is fine.  Its not too low, not unrealistic.  In fact he suggests 95 lbs for a 5' person and another 4 lbs per inch taller, unless they are muscular and then their weight should be higher because muscle weighs more than fat.  So my goal weight is even a little bit too high!  That's super fantastic reassuring, because that means as I become successful at eating healthfully, with high nutrition and low calories, his optimum diet, then I could even get down to a lower weight and still know I am healthy.

Its weird living in America nowdays.   Living in London in the 1990s was more similar to living in America back in the 1970s.  In the 70s we had one idea of what was slim and attractive and it was much skinnier than what is considered slim and attractive nowdays.

I've recently seen 3 women who are lovely, not too slim at all, who deliberately tried to gain weight with diet and medication because people told them they were too slim.  Then when they got up to a "healthy" weight they looked too plump to me.  It wasn't that way in the 70s, it really wasn't.  It's completely confused me how some lovely slim girls think they are too skinny nowdays.  I just don't get it.

I don't mean to discount anorexia, either.  I personally know the woman who made medical records for getting down to the lowest weight without dieing.  She's a surgeon now and has to perform surgery standing on a footstool because she stunted her growth through malnutrition.  So yes anorexia is a serious issue.

But the girls who are gaining weight just to look "normal"  -- that is ridiculous too.   Dr Fuhrman suggests a man should be able to pinch no more than 1/2" fat at his naval, and a woman no more than 1" fat at her naval.  So I'm going to stand with Dr Fuhrman on this issue, a person who is 5' tall and 95 lbs is fine, good health.

5'1" - 99 lbs
5'2" - 103 lbs
5'3" - 107 lbs
5'4" - 111 lbs
5'5" - 115 lbs
5'6" - 119 lbs
5'7" - 123 lbs
5'8" - 127 lbs
5'9" - 131 lbs
6' - 135 lbs

So I highly recommend Dr Fuhrman's six week holiday challenge and even though I'm not following it perfectly yet, I'm preparing myself with groceries, knowledge, and just getting myself in the right frame of mind.  I'm gentle with myself, so I'm ok with not being perfect, and knowing I'll improve.  New goal based on wellness test is 118-121 < stay in that range.

Alter

I was thinking about my new altar and I heard myself say the word altar, and realized its sounds the same as the word alter.  That is when I realized that an altar is all about reminding yourself to replace old bad habits with new better habits.  An altar is altering your state of mind from thinking about the profane day to day stuff to thinking about the eternal sacred.

This whole 2-year plan to become fit, to finding new goals for my future, is about altering the way I live day to day to align more closely with how I want to live. 

My new altar is personally for me, all about altering my life. 

Towards that goal, I currently weigh 178, that was my goal to reach by June 2011.   My goal was to be 165 by Septemeber 2011. And my goal is to be 161 in October 2011.  So I have a ways to go. 

Now I'm trying as well as possible to lose more than 1 pound a week, until I catch up to the goals I set originally for the 2-year plan.  Towards that end, I have been exercising everyday and that was not enough, so I have also had to alter my diet.  I am eating just once a day now.  I have water, tea, soy latte,  kombucha, and a probiotic drink that I can have all day, but I only chew one meal a day.   A normal meal that features a protein, vegetables, oil and a starches,  and a normal dessert of fruit.

So that is the plan I'm currently following for as long as it will work towards helping me catch up to the original goal weights I'd established at the begininning.  Fingers crossed this keeps working at least until I'm down to 159 or so, or even longer.

By the way, I purchased new skinny jeans this week, and they have altered the way I see myself and the way other people see me too. Everyone keeps remarking on how I am looking slimmer than ever, but the truth is I really haven't lost very much.  My bra and tops still fit almost the same. Becuase I am an apple shape, I gain weight on my torso, arms and breasts first, and lose it there last too.  Oh well, the main thing is just to lose it, eventually it will come off where I want it to come off.

Wheat

At the beginning of this month my Mom showed me an article in the Woman's World Weekly that promised a lose of up to 8-11 pounds in one week by going wheat-free!   I had just stayed with a good friend who has always been slim and she advised that gluten and cheese were the two most fattening foods she knows of.  So the prospect of losing 8-11 pounds in one week was too attractive to not try.  

I have been following the wheat-free, gluten-free diet for 2 weeks and have lost 7 pounds!  Starting weight was 188, now 181 pounds.  So not the promised headline results but still.  That's terrific!  I am going to keep doing this until it stops working.  But I hope it keeps working until I get down to the goal weight of 165 lbs. which is where I should be according to my modest weight loss progress chart. 

All I'm doing to change is eating lots of veggies and fruit and proteins.  Eating almost no dairy and greatly reduced carbs.  I still let myself have chocolate because that's my favorite treat, and have purchased special gluten-free wheat replacers for when I crave bread foods but eating lots of rice and bean dishes, lots of tofu.

This week I did make myself a wheat-free pizza and used only parmesan cheese as the cheese. However even that small amount of dairy caused a 2 pound weight gain over night.  So that makes me feel as if dairy really is something I need to avoid just as much or even moreseo than the wheat.  Dairy-free and wheat-free is what I need to strive for.

Fingers crossed I can get down to the goal weight of 165 pounds in 2 more weeks if I start adding vigorous cardio exercise everyday, minus one Sunday of rest each week.

Good things

In the last post where I talk about how I stopped doing good things, I didn't mention what those things were because I was so upset about the weight gain, and distracted by a toothache that caused constant low level pain and fevers. I was gaining 2 lbs a day so I stopped weighing myself.

This past week I went to the dentist so the toothache and fevers have passed. I got on the scale and weigh 191. That is sad to have gained so much weight but its 2 lbs less than the day I stopped weighing myself, so it feels like a disaster that has been averted.

The good things I'd been doing were to ask myself if I loved myself before choosing something to eat and then choose food that reflected how I loved myself. Food that was good for me, that I would give to someone I loved and cared for. I'd forgotten to pay attention and show myself love by taking good care of myself.

When I was married, and a small part of why I'm getting a divorce, is because my husband is demanding of my attention and my time to a degree that I never learned how to handle well. I've become so used to being his satellite that I didn't know how to care for myself, and when I forgot how to take care of myself then I was quickly depleted and felt resentful of him.

So what I need to do is first establish really good habits of taking care of myself. Really focus at least 90% of my attention to self care. Its vital for losing weight. Its vital for being the best I can be for others too. If I ever become involved with anyone else I really need to learn how to continue taking care of myself first. The self care has to establish my boundaries of what I will and will not do for someone else. I have to learn to take care of myself first and then others second. Thats very important.

Parents of new babies don't have that luxury they have to learn how to care for the child while taking care of themselves. That balance has to be carefully monitored so that the parent doesn't get depleted. Its always a struggle.

So I will do a big weekend colon cleanse to try and get a jump start on weight loss. But I decided I really am moving too slowly with weight loss too. I really do want to push it along a little bit more, so I'm going to create new goals for myself.

Here are my new goals:
Start each day with a glass of water.
Meditate 11 minutes a day Sunday through Friday.
Get on a bike or my elliptical, do yoga or abdominal work for 11 minutes, 3 days a week.
Take my dog on a walk every day, preferably first thing in the morning before it gets hot.
Oh and aim for 1000 - 1200 calories a day, rather than 1200 - 1500 calories a day. Be satisfied with smaller meals.

* The 11 minutes are the minimum, I may definately do more.

Measures

I am going to have to resort to desperate measures. I can not believe how badly I've done in June. I didn't lose any weight, I just maintained the same weight of 183. I stopped doing the good things I do to lose weight, I didn't even notice I'd stopped doing them. I just noticed I stopped losing weight and I was craving pizza, potato chips with dip, and candy. I thought I've been able to continue losing weight even when eating all those foods so I didn't worry too much when my weight stayed the same but then it started going up and again I kept thinking it was ok.

A friend was going to give me the recipe the doctor gave her for a colon cleanse but she could not find it. That was going to be my desperate measure, the way to lose the gained and not lost weight. I'll have to find some other way to deal with this. I do not want to fail at my 50% goal (171 lbs). It's really important to me.

She vaguely remembers the cleanse started with a fast from 5pm the night before. The next day she took a probiotic and one small bottle of Metracil or something like that? Then fasting during the extreme flushing of her system of 2 full days and still fasting on the 3rd day. When the flushing ended the fast ended.

Maybe I'll go to a Naturopath and have this done for me.

Binges

Wow!  After a month and a half I'm finally losing weight again.  What a relief!

In March I'd reached 187.5 lbs which put me at the 1/3 of total weight lost goal, and also just under being obese at 188+ lbs to being overweight -187 lbs.   I stayed at 187 for over a month then last week I moved up to 190 lbs.

 It feels so arbitrary, I didn't expect to have gained weight except that I'd had one day of bingeing.   I had crepes for lunch, a high carb, low protein choice.  Then I remained hungry and ate a big bag of Pizzeria Pretzel Combos and made a bowl of nachos for myself for dinner.  I was ashamed of myself but I ate it in full sight of my family becuase:
1. I don't want to eat in hiding and in shame anymore.  If I'm going to eat in shame then I'll do it in full view of everyone.
2. I want to reinforce in my mind that I can have high calorie foods that I crave sometimes and still lose weight.

So I weighed myself the day after that and I'd creeped up to 190 lbs. That was discouraging but also sort of increased my resolve to be more careful.  I have been more careful too, but not too careful, I never want to be too careful.  I have been eating more nuts, and protein foods.

Now I'm 184.5 lbs.  That's including one cupcake a week from the new coffeehouse next to where I work and also special occasion pie and cake several times a week too.  And the weight loss does feel just as arbitrary as the weight gain because I fully expected to stand on the scale and weigh even more than 190 lbs.

So I can't tell by the way by body feels if I'll gain or lose weight.  I can only tell by weighing myself and pretty soon I'll take my measurements too.  Just for another way to measure success.  Now that I'm well under 187 and not teetering up anymore I feel safe to measure myself.  Then I'll know what size clothes I should fit in versus what i do fit in.

The secret to success has been balancing what and how much I eat each day.  But also by buoying myself up, fighting cravings by keeping myself satiated with high protein foods.  A Subway sandwich isn't bad exactly but it creates cravings.  A salad with protein is good, it helps keep me satiated.

I'm anxious to get down another size but that is likely to be a while.  I'm also anxious to have lost 50 lbs (when I get down to 171 lbs), half of the total amount I want to lose.  I just would feel really reassured by that.  I feel reasssured now, but that would be even better.  Good luck to all of us trying to be fit and healthy.

Scales

I like the title of this post, it reminds of a quote from the movie Bridget Jones' Diary.  Wendy--"Yes why is it there are so many unmarried women's in their thirties these days, Bridget?"  Bridget--"Well I don't know. I suppose it doesn't help that underneath our clothes our entire bodies are covered in scales."

So covered in scales, metaphorically that is true, isn't it?  Women in the west where food is plentiful and manual labor is considered lower class and therefore usually does not pay well nor have good insurance and pension benefits, its easy to become plump and then the scale we weigh ourselves on can become an obsession of measuring whether we are too plump or not.  So without trying to change the social, monetary and political order of things, how to deal with that obsession?

One way to deal with an obsession with the scale, is how I did in the past.  I stopped worrying about it.  In fact, I didn't stop thinking about it but did  stop using it.  However just like not balancing your checkbook doesn't help you to stop overspending, hiding from the scale didn't help me maintain a healthy weight.

Now I want to reach and maintain a healthy weight.  So I've decided I will try every trick I can think of to do that.  I do use the scale to help measure my weight loss and importantly to help set goals.  I combine the scale with other ways of measuring success too.  Now that I am firmly in the overweight category, I think I can brave taking my measurements and compare them to clothing size charts then set goals by clothing size.

Another way of trying to motivate myself is by visualizing myself slim.  Trying to imagine how it feels to move around in a slim body. How it looks to wear small size clothes.  What it looks, feels, sounds, smells and tastes like to be slim.

Wish me good luck.

Junior sizes:

Junior sizes

5'4"–5'5" (162.5–165 cm) tall, higher bust, shorter back
Dimension/Size	00	0	1	3	5	7	9	11	13	15	17	18
Bust	30	31	32	33	34	35	36	37½	39	41	43	45
Waist	22	23	24	25	26	27	28	29½	31	33	35	37
Hips	32	33	34	35	36	37	38	39½	41	43	45	47
Back-waist length	13¾	14	14½	14¾	15	15¼	15½	15¾	16	16¼	16½	16¾

Misses's sizes:

Misses’ sizes

5'5"–5'6" (165–168 cm) tall, average bust, average back
Dimension/Size	2	4	6	8	10	12	14	16	018	20
Bust	32-34	34	34	35	36	37½	39	40½	42	44
Waist	22-24½	25½	26½	27½	28½	30	31½	33	34½	36½
Hip	33-35½	36½	37½	38½	39½	41	42½	44	45½	47½
Back-waist length	14½	14¾	15½	15¾	16	16¼	16½	16¾	17	17¼

Women's Plus sizes:

Women’s sizes

5'5"–5'6" (165–168 cm) tall, average bust, average back
Dimension/Size	38 (16W)	40 (18W)	42 (20W)	44 (22W)	46 (24W)	48 (26W)	50 (28W)
Bust	42	44	46	48	50	52	54
Waist	35	37	39	41½	44	46½	49
Hip	44	46	48	50	52	54	56
Back-waist length	17¼	17⅜	17½	17⅝	17¾	17⅞	18