Hobo Band 10. bossy

Day 10 weight 206.6 lbs.

Weekend sleep in. Luxury.  It feels wonderful to finally take care of myself again after over a year of gaining weight.  Happy to do whatever it takes to keep this up, therefore following my own advice, for now.

Plan: plain veg and fruit is free; counting everything else aiming for 1000-1200 calories per day, including one handful of nuts.

Breakfast: smoothie

1 cup unsweetened almond milk -30 cal

splash of coffee -free

1 banana -free

1 Tbl cocoa -12 cal

1 Tbl flaxseed meal -30 cal

1-1/2 handfuls of baby kale -free

ice -free

Earthcrust Bakery pumpkin choc chip muffin -246 cal

Lunch: 1 handful of nuts -170 cal

Subway 6" veggie delite -162 cal

1 slice provolone cheese -50 cal

1 Tbl light mayonnaise -50 cal

Dinner: 1/2 Jacks cheese pizza -460 cal

2 chocolate covered strawberriea -56 cal

1 diet Coke

1 cup smoothie (1/4 cup coconut water -12 cal, pineapple, banana, kale, ice)

Snack: 2 oranges -free

1 serv Doritos -140 cal

Total number of calories: 1418.

Hobo Band -9.cold

Day 9 weigh 208 lbs.

It's cold here, below zero F, snow on the ground, hurts to hold the metal handle of the front door for very long.  Have always taken a shower in the morning but last year and this winter so far, its not comfortable to have even slightly damp hair outside.  May have to start showering in the evening and wake up with messy hair.  We'll see.  

Silver lining is that it burns more calories to keep the body warm.   My friend refuses to own a car; she bikes and walks everywhere (no public transport); she said that eating the same, exercising the same, every summer she gains 10 lbs, then loses it again in winter due to nothing more than having to keep her body warm when she's outside in this cold weather!!  That's amazing!

Plan: all plain veg and fruit is free; count all other calories aiming for 1000-1200 per day.

Breakfast: smoothie

1 Tbl Postum drink -30 cal

2 mints -40 cal

3 scoop Herbalife smoothie mix -135 cal

ice -free

Starbucks flourless chocolate cookie -170 cal

Lunch: Hardees onion rings -410 cal  (not vegan per this site: http://www.peta.org/living/food/chain-restaurants/)

diet Coke -free

Dinner: 1 Hardees salad -120 cal

2 ranch dressing -100 cal

1 Earthcrust Bakery pumpkin chocolate chip muffin -249 cal

1 handful nuts -170 cal

10 chocolate covered espresso beans -95 cal

1 diet Coke -free

Total calories for the day: 1519 (still felt hungry all day)

Fallopian

I've been feeling aching in my right fallopian tube all day today.  I'd felt in the past month quite strongly a few days too.   When I feel that aching I associate with First Love nowadays.  It's the left fallopian tube I could always feel everytime I ovulated on that side.  I didn't feel the right side, only the left.

Since feeling all the stuff I felt when First Love married ManClown Po'Donkey, I've associated that aching with him.  My feelings for him, I guess.   So I wonder what is going on.  Why do I keep feeling that aching lately?

Is he pulling away from me even more?   Am I trying to pull him back to me?  Or is thinking about me and he's pulling me closer to him?  I don't think so, I think it's all to do with my feelings about him, not vice versa.

It's interesting.  I don't know what to make of it though.

I'm working more hours at work lately, forever now.  That has really hurt my feelings in regards to missing my little dog.  I love him so much and am always so happy and anxious to get back home to him.   I hate spending less and less time with him.  And other family too.  oh well, that's life.

I feel lucky, as though I get whatever I ask for, or at least don't get what will be really bad for me and do get what I want most of the time.    Protected.   Maybe it's me just trying to be at peace with what is, but that's good enough.  I wish I'd had this philosophy when I was younger, it might have made things easier.

Nicest Boyfriend I've Ever Had said he's afraid to get married.  So that makes me feel sad, and sick to my stomach, and as if I need to start pulling away from him and start looking for someone new.  To that end I'm now on 3 dating sites and talking to 3 differnt men via messaging on those sites.  We'll see what happens.

Hobo Band -8.new

Day 8 weight is 208.2 lbs.

Starting a new schedule today.  End of an old era, beginning of a new one.  It means that I can add more exercise to the day.  Now to start organizing that.

Breakfast: Starbucks venti gingerbread latte -320 cal ($free reward so I had to get the venti size. and no I didn't ask for soy, so yes its factory farm dairy, the product of much animal suffering and environmental destruction, and while I might sound flippant, I'm not really.  Just trying to own up to what I'm supporting by purchasing it.)

Starbucks oatmeal with dried fruit and nuts -360 cal  (Holy Mackeral!!!! I need to become more organized in the morning so I don't have to resort to this too often)

Lunch:  Baby carrots -free

Red pepper hummus -180 cal

1 slice Pizza Hut large cheese pizza -290 cal

1 orange -free

Dinner: 1 cup Homemade veggie chili -80 cal

1 Pomegranate -free

Total calories for the day: 1320

Hobo Band -7.besides

Day 7 weigh-in at 208.8 lbs. (or later, 207 lbs)

Alright so besides counting calories and improving choices of what to eat, reducing highly processed carbohydrates, adding more veg and fruit to fight this strong hunger that has taken hold, reducing dairy because let's face it baby calves need their mothers milk but I don't and anything I can do to make the world a better place in the face of financially efficient but inhumane animal husbandry which simultaneously costs all us more because they are very inefficient of natural resources and poisoning the Earth (factory farms), besides drinking more precious water and reducing toxic diet Cokes, what else do I need to do?  

My body will thank me when I start increasing exercise, but honestly I just don't want to think about that until I've tackled the diet stuff for 2 full weeks.  I'm doing good for now.

Plan is plain veg and fruit are free but count calories of everything else aiming for 1000-1200 calories per day including one handful of nuts.  Plain veg and fruit is strictly defined as no grain (corn) and protein (beans), no juice or dried.

Breakfast: smoothie

1 cup unsweetened almond milk -30 cal

2 Tbl cocoa - 24 cal

1/4 cup coffee -free

2 handfuls baby kate -free

1 banana -free

ice -free

daily vitamin -free

2 choc covered strawberries -57 cal

Lunch: baby carrots -free

8 Tbl red pepper hummus -240 cal

Earthcrust Bakery pumpkin chocolate chip muffin -246 cal

Chia Kombucha -150 cal

Dinner: 2-1/2 cup homemade chili -200 cal

1 Earthcrust Bakery quinoa bun -170cal

2 jelly bellies -10 cal

Total calories for the day: 1127 (Yaay! A whole day with no diet Coke)

Hobo Band -6.up

Day 6.  After so many calories yesterday, weight is up today 208.2 lbs.  I'm surprised how quickly my body reacts to the calorie intake of the previous day, its odd, I don't remember my body ever reacting so quickly before.  Do I?  Is this normal?  It's been such a long time since I've dieted maybe I don't remember anything about dieting.  In any case I was worried that such low calorie intake was making me constantly hungry and actually I still feel very hungry today, it hasn't gone away. oh well, its a journey. 

Plan:  all veg and fruit is free; count everything else aiming for 1000-1200 cal per day, including 1 handful of nuts per day.

Breakfast: smoothie

1 cup unsweetened almond milk - 30 cal

1 Tbl peanut butter -90 cal

2 Tbl flaxseed meal -60 cal

1 banana -free

1 handful of baby kale -free

ice -free

1 handful of nuts -160 cal

Lunch: Rocky Rococco lite fettucine alfredo -229 cal

green salad -free

ranch dressing -200 cal

diet Coke -free

Snack: 2 serv dried apples -180 cal

Dinner: 3/4 cup homemade scalloped potatoes -162 cal

1/2 cup boiled carrots -free

1 quinoa bun -170 cal

1 tsp butter -45 cal

Total calories for the day = 1326.

Hobo Band -5.stay

Day 5 - Phew!  Weight leveled off today at 207.4 lbs.  

Worry that I've put myself into starvation mode because I was so hungry last night and woke up with sugar low jitters.  Definately need to be more careful about eating more often to make sure I keep my metabolism high. Need to add more exercise but that will be tricky for a couple more weeks.  We'll see.

We've had snow flurries everyday for over a week now, with an accumulation of 2-3 inches of snow, so far.  I'm not prepared for winter, I still have to remind myself to wear socks.  It makes walking and driving more slippery already too.

What is worse is I have very few clothes in current size XL top, 16 bottoms.  Have been rotating the same stuff for about 3 weeks of colder temps.  Need to go shopping but I just hate to, fighting with the  unrealistic wish of getting back into old clothes, which are size S top, 8 bottoms.  Since gaining weight I have been buying only the minimum number of tops and bottoms to get by. Feeling like such a mess.  Maybe I'll order some sweaters from Lands End tonight as even big sweaters are fun to wear as pajamas when I'm back down to normal size. 

Measurements:  Bust -48" Waist -44" Hip -47-1/2"

Plan:  all plain veg and fruit is free; count everything else aiming for 1000-1200 cal per day, including one handful of nuts.  

Breakfast: smoothie 

1 cup unsweetened coconut milk -45 cal

2 Tbl cocoa - 24 cal

2 Tbl flaxseed meal -60 cal

2 bananas -free

1/4 cup coffee -free

ice -free

Lunch: (I know, neither vegan nor healthy)

2 Hardees side salads w/cheese -240 cal

2 Hardees Ranch dressing -200 cal

diet Coke -free

homemade apple dessert bar -145 cal

Snack:  Starbucks tall gingerbread latte - 260 cal

1 handful of mixed nuts -160 cal

Dinner: one gluten-fee 8" light cheese pizza -600 cal

diet Coke -free

1 rosette cookie -110 cal

2 chocolate covered stawberries -57 cal

Total calories for the day: 1901

 (Even despite how many calories I ate today, I'm still feeling hungry so I think I ate much too litte the past 4 days, its gonna take a while to level off.  Plus I really need to buy vitamins and just improve my diet.  I am happy to give myself a lot of slack, but it's starting to feel embarassing how NOT vegan I am.  I really have to try harder.)

Hobo Band -4.prep

Day 4 of dietbet challenge.  Plan is shop for healthy food.  Make chili for week ahead, and scalloped potatoes for family lunch today.  Also, find my Omron scale, if possible.   Clean.  

Weight: 207.4 lbs (weird, kind of freaking me out!)

Plan:  all plain veg and fruit are free; count everything else aiming for 1000-1200 cal per day, including one handful of nuts.  drink as much water as possible. *plain veg excludes grains (corn) and proteins (beans). 

Breakfast: 1-1/2 cup 100% applesauce, touch of cinnamon -free

1 handful of mixed nuts (1/4 cup) -160 cal

Lunch: 1-1/2 cup homemade scalloped potatoes -324 cal

1 cup boiled carrots -free

Dinner: 2 apples -free

1/2 serving of dried Inca berries -free

1 slice bread -100 cal

1 oz cheddar -113 cal

1 tsp butter -45 cal

Snack:  smoothie (feeling super hungry tonight, but I have been eating rather light) 

1 cup frozen mango -free

1 cup orange juice - 56 cal

1/2 cup coconut milk - 45 cal

Total:  833 cal

Hobo Band -3.weekend

3rd day I'm following the program, weight is 209.8, but ate very little yesterday.  Still need to go grocery shopping. If you do not have it, you will not eat it.  That works both ways, if you don't have junk around you are likely to avoid it, if you have a good supply of healthy snacks you are more likely to choose that.

Plan: all plain veg and fruit is free; otherwise count everything else, including 1 handful of nuts per day, aiming for 1000-1200 calories.  Aim to drink as much water as possible.

Brunch: grilled cheese

2 slice bread -180 cal

2 tsp butter -90 cal

2 oz cheddar cheese -226 cal

diet coke -free, but super unhealthy

Dinner:

Amy's vegan Veggie Loaf -340 cal

1 apple -free

2 chocolate covered strawberries -57 cal

diet coke -free

Snack:

handful of mixed nuts (1/4 cup) -160 cal

Total =1053 cal

Betcha

A friend joined an on-line diet competition site and has been having so much success that she convinced me to try it too.   Her weight loss has been super fast which sort of alarmed me but I need to do something to get myself motivated.

So I joined the site too.  DietBetter, but after I joined I realized the weight loss I must achieve is over 2 lbs per week.  I think that is not doable.  But anyway I signed up for one 4-week challenge and so I'll try.  If I succeed I'll just be that much happier to continue losing.

One good thing is that there is a vegan support group, that makes life better.

So I had to get on the scale to weigh myself, then take a full length picture to submit to the site.

Weight on homescale is 211.2 lbs.

I will take my measurements too.

Man, it is so disappointing to be over 200 lbs!!! 

Hobo Band -2.start

With much trepidation, I am starting this 4% in 4 weeks challenge.   That means I have to lose over  2 pounds a week and I think its unlikely I will be able to meet this challenge.  Tried to figure out how to get out this challenge and join a different one instead but find this site a little too difficult to navigate.  So we'll see.  I'll try, I'll pretend to believe that this was "meant to be".

Weight is 211.2 

Plan is all plain veg and fruit is free. Track everything else with goal of 1000-1200 cal/day; including 1 handful of nuts.

Breakfast:

Oskri coconut bar -130 cal

1-1/2 cup 100% applesauce -free

Lunch:

Rocky Rococo lite fettucine alfredo with broccoli -230 cal

Dinner:

1 cup restaurant fried tofu with broccoli -230 cal

1/2 cup White rice  -100 cal

Total calories = 690 cal

Hobo Band -1.welcome

Welcome to the dietbet.com blog, Hobo Band. I'm a lifelong vegetarian transitioning to vegan.  

Obviously don't understand this BLOG businesss on dietbet.  Anyway, 2nd entry:

Success is that I got on the scale after over a year.   Weight is 211.  Bad is that it's over 200, good is that its less than 220.  Best is that I got on the scale at all.

For the first challenge I have to lose 4% of my weight in 4 weeks.  I thought that sounded easy, but now i've figured it out, I have to lose 8.5 pounds in 4 weeks!!!! That's over 2 lbs per week!!!! I've never done that in my entire life.   I just screwed myself.

Need to start trackign what I eat.  Plan is that all plain veg and fruit is free.   Count calories of everything else, with aim of 1000-1200 calories a day.  Must have 1 handful of nuts per day.

Breakfast: smoothie recipe.

2 bananas  -free

bunch of flaxseed meal (1/4 c) -150 cal

coconut milk (1 c) -150 cal

ice -free

cocoa (1 Tbl) -12 cal

Lunch:  Perkins apple muffin -570 cal

1 peanut butter cup -105 ca.

Dinner: 2 apples -free

2 Tbl nonfat carmel dip -110 cal

2 Tbl chopped nuts -110 cal

Total for day 1: 1,207 cal

Hope to improve both quality of diet and just streamline as I get better organized.

Ease

I have been feeling ill at ease lately; insecure.  Had  a dream last night that First Love really did love me and came back to me with his hard learned self discoveries.  It turned out that something scared him back when we first dated, and whenever he's near me it causes him to spin away in a fearful reaction of me, but it was only because he didn't want to admit that he and I shared something that he has not wanted to face, but once he faced it, he was happy to come back and sort of apologize.

I was hesitant at first but he guided me through the emotional reactions to his revelations not with words but by letting me follow his actions.  So as I gained confidence, trust in following his lead, I was shedding my defenses as well.  And we ended up kissing and hugging intimately, deeply.  The invitation to be lovers again was there, but I was awakened from the dream before it went any further.  That dream soothed my heart to some extent.  I am grateful to that dream.

The dream used the metaphor of a big modern architectural house that had been filled with large sculptural objects that First Love and I climbed up and on, in and out of.  It was in that process where I learned to lay down my fears and let the protective old black scab of pain to fall away, allowing myself to trust him little by little.  I had so much trepidation with the first hug, afraid I'd touch him and he'd pull away in a knee jerk reaction, instead he enveloped me within his arms in a loving embrace of full acceptance.  It was such a relief, in real life I feel relief.

The dream was preceded by a realization when listening to NPR Chapter a Day story of a man who reared an owl from an egg.  The story described how one month the baby owl displayed definate brooding behaviour, feathering her nest, but throughout the rest of her captive life she did not do that again.  I remembered how when First Love and I moved to another city, I had so much trouble learning how to take care of myself.  Once I came home and threw myself on the bed weeping, and the little kitten who lived in our apartment came to me and pressed her paw against my cheek. Such a tender and compassionate gesture.  A year later I spent one whole day in bed staring at the walls.  I think that scared First Love very much; it scared me.

Listening to the story of the broody owl illuminated that all I was suffering, was a little homesickness yes, but mostly I loved First Love so much that all I wanted to do was have babies with him.  It's what I wanted more than anything else; but I have long been one to be afraid of my deepest loves and desires.  I've denied them and refused to feed and nurture them.   That fear of what I love most is what drove many decisions in life.  That is what the dream was about.