I've been feeling aching in my right fallopian tube all day today. I'd felt in the past month quite strongly a few days too. When I feel that aching I associate with First Love nowadays. It's the left fallopian tube I could always feel everytime I ovulated on that side. I didn't feel the right side, only the left.
Since feeling all the stuff I felt when First Love married ManClown Po'Donkey, I've associated that aching with him. My feelings for him, I guess. So I wonder what is going on. Why do I keep feeling that aching lately?
Is he pulling away from me even more? Am I trying to pull him back to me? Or is thinking about me and he's pulling me closer to him? I don't think so, I think it's all to do with my feelings about him, not vice versa.
It's interesting. I don't know what to make of it though.
I'm working more hours at work lately, forever now. That has really hurt my feelings in regards to missing my little dog. I love him so much and am always so happy and anxious to get back home to him. I hate spending less and less time with him. And other family too. oh well, that's life.
I feel lucky, as though I get whatever I ask for, or at least don't get what will be really bad for me and do get what I want most of the time. Protected. Maybe it's me just trying to be at peace with what is, but that's good enough. I wish I'd had this philosophy when I was younger, it might have made things easier.
Nicest Boyfriend I've Ever Had said he's afraid to get married. So that makes me feel sad, and sick to my stomach, and as if I need to start pulling away from him and start looking for someone new. To that end I'm now on 3 dating sites and talking to 3 differnt men via messaging on those sites. We'll see what happens.
Since feeling all the stuff I felt when First Love married ManClown Po'Donkey, I've associated that aching with him. My feelings for him, I guess. So I wonder what is going on. Why do I keep feeling that aching lately?
Is he pulling away from me even more? Am I trying to pull him back to me? Or is thinking about me and he's pulling me closer to him? I don't think so, I think it's all to do with my feelings about him, not vice versa.
I'm working more hours at work lately, forever now. That has really hurt my feelings in regards to missing my little dog. I love him so much and am always so happy and anxious to get back home to him. I hate spending less and less time with him. And other family too. oh well, that's life.
I feel lucky, as though I get whatever I ask for, or at least don't get what will be really bad for me and do get what I want most of the time. Protected. Maybe it's me just trying to be at peace with what is, but that's good enough. I wish I'd had this philosophy when I was younger, it might have made things easier.
Nicest Boyfriend I've Ever Had said he's afraid to get married. So that makes me feel sad, and sick to my stomach, and as if I need to start pulling away from him and start looking for someone new. To that end I'm now on 3 dating sites and talking to 3 differnt men via messaging on those sites. We'll see what happens.
No comments:
Post a Comment