Pretend

I've been playing a game for a couple of months now.  A friend, a colleague, came into my office this summer and in the nicest possible way, made me realize that I need to start wearing makeup at work. 


I used to wear makeup in my 20s and 30s, but then I started going to an aesthetician and she made my skin look like a movie star's!  With so much focus on skincare I needed very little makeup to look nice, and wanted to wear as little as possible to avoid blocking my pores with gunk.

Then I got married and couldn't afford to have my monthly appointment with an aesthetician but I still avoided wearing makeup.   So yes, my friend and colleague was right, I do need to start wearing makeup again and I have, and it has renewed my interest in makeup and skincare, as well as all the new products and techniques of wearing makeup.


I have not been focusing on my weight at all; therefore I have continued to gain weight, of course.  But I'm still not ready to focus on my weight.  I'm getting closer, but I still have a ways to go.  What I am focusing on is learning how to wear makeup, as well as improve my skincare and hair care. 


I have been watching a ton of vlogs, video blogs, to learn as much as I can about organic, natural, vegan and cruelty-free products.  It's fascinating. And I have been performing daily pretend vlogs of my own, in the mirror as I'm putting on my makeup each day and washing it off each night.  It's fun.  It's super fun to learn about all these subjects I've long been interested in, on and off throughout my life.


Interest in makeup, lead to interest in skincare, lead to interest in cruelty-free and vegan makeup, lead to an interest in nontoxic cruelty-free vegan makeup, lead to an interest in organic and natural cruelty-free and vegan makeup and skincare companies.  So it's only a matter of time till this comes full circle and feeds my desire to be slim and healthy again, I hope.


In the meantime, it's loads of fun, and super interesting.  I will try to update this blog with my pretend vlogs from time to time now.  Wishing you peace and gratitude.

Foot bath

I have been on vacation to warm salty sea water beaches with powdery fine white sand.  After going for walks on those beaches every morning and evening, now I'm craving the way that felt, like crazy. 

Nicest Boyfriend I've Ever Had explained that when you walk on the beach the fine sand wears away all the dry skin on your bare feet, then the sea water nourishes and heals your skin.  He was right, my feet have never felt so baby soft and perfect.

Too soon my feet are already returning to having crusty edges on the soles and I'm craving a walk on the beach to clean them up and heal them.

I did some on-line research and found a quiet-running foot bath that will both warm the water and keep it warm. Has a massage feature, without splashing too much. Is deep enough to cover my feet and stable if I rest my heels on an edge. A foot bath that will let me use essential oils or bath salts in the water.

The very best portable foot bath for home or small salon  is the professional PIBBS foot bath massager FM3830A. It costs around $100, (anything deeper or more extravagant starts at $300 and more);  I'm asking for this little luxury item for Christmas or my birthday this year.

Until then, I will make do with lukewarm water in a pretty bowl.  To make it the most luxurious foot bath I can think of, I bought a couple of packages of tumbled stones from the dollar store, and will have a layer of them on the base of the bowl.  Set the bowl in front of a comfortable chair and soak luxurioiusly.

Add ingredients to the water for the soak that you want. There are lots of recipes on-line.  Have a pumice sponge ready to slough off dead skin. A couple of hand towels for wiping down the foot and leg.  Then a good, natural moisturizer to give myself a nice foot and calf massage. 

Doesn't that sound yummy?   It does to me.   I am very excited and hope its as nice as I think it will be.

P.S.  First Love is engaged to be married, this will be his 4th or 5th marriage, so with all that experience he ought to be able to plan it rather quickly, I imagine.   I don't know much about her except that if he spurns her she will join the ranks of the many of us who have felt the painful bite of his cold and callous dismissal.  Maybe I should feel sorry for her, but I don't.  I resent the fact of her. 

Maybe I should forgive him, and  I'm trying but it's harder than I expected.  I know the pain and anger primarily hurts me, and then all those who love me, but I haven't been able to lay it to rest yet.  

 I try to take Joel Osteen's advice and imagine his face with the rubber stamp marked "Paid in Full".  I do that repeatedly, and try to soften my heart to forgiving him, but it doesn't feel like forgiveness is what I need.  It feels more like I need to find a sense of peace that all of this has happened for the best.  That his rejection was a kindness.  I wish I could believe that.

I was able to believe that with my ex-husband because he put me through so much after his first betrayal.  If he'd left me at that point, I might still be mourning him to this day, but I don't because he poured more and more torture on top of that first betrayal.  I have to try to face that First Love has already abandoned me twice, that's enough of a betrayal,  if he had stuck around instead he likely would have found a way to make me regret it.

Armful

I am both really happy and yet still very frustrated.

I went to the store and tried on one size smaller bras and they fit fine.   38DD instead of 40DD (in 2010  I was wearing 42DD).  That is wonderful; so I bought 2 new bras and that is a great reward.

Also I went through my clothes and got rid of all plus size and XL size clothes, which is another great reward.  I have only size Medium and Large now.  Mostly I wear size Medium. I like wearing smaller sized clothes but they are lasting no longer than 1 year because of fat loss, which is nice but could be expensive if I wasn't buying mostly 2nd hand clothes.

My bra size is one size smaller but my bikini body looks, to me, exactly the same as when I was obese. In fact my body weight BMI is in the overweight category but my 43.1% body fat is still obese.  I'm glad that my clothing size is getting smaller, but hope I start to get a nicer looking figure soon.  And becuase I'm an apple shape it means I feel too blubbery to wear spaghetti strap tops which are really nice and cool.  That is one of my goals, to feel good wearing spaghetti straps.

Another reward spurred on by concern about my bikini body looks, is that I started using MSM supplements, body lotion, and soap.  MSM is a detoxifier and detoxification just might be making me feel a little cranky today, so I'll try to have more patience for myself.   I'm taking them to hopefully address the excess skin issue.  MSM is supposed to tighten up skin and help with elasticity of joints, its considered a beauty secret for gorgeous firm skin.  Fingers crossed it works.

Reading Dr. Fuhrman information I've figured out 3 things, to stop food cravings and hunger I need to eat food that provides excellent nutrition.  For repairing ill health and improving looks I need to detoxify through specific nutrients, sweating, moving around, massage, etc.  To manage my weight I need to learn how to eat to live, to learn how to comfortably eat less, following real hunger, and eating less than I desire by rote.

p.s. July 10, 2012 official Weight Watchers weigh-in is 155 lbs.  Homescale weight is 154 lbs. Omron scale is 154.6 lbs, 26.5 BMI, 42.2% body fat, 23.8% muscle, I need 1396 kcal to maintain this weight, visceral fat is 8.  Measurements:
Bust 43"
Rib 33.75"
Waist  37"
Hips  39"
Bicep 12.5" right
Thigh 21.75" right

p.p.s. 11 July 154 lbs, 12 July 150.5 lbs, 13 July 150.5 lbs, 14 July 150.5 lbs.

Skin

What is worrying me, now that I've lost over 50 lbs (with another 50 to go), is what I call flabby skin.  Searching the internet its most often referred to as excess, loose skin.  So my tummy looks like I've had a baby, but unfortunately it is due to years of obesity.  I am now embarrassed by droopy, old-looking, flying squirrel arms, and wrinkly, saggy skin on my tummy pouch.

So what can I do about it?  I mean, what can I do about it lovingly and naturally?

Well many sites explain that it just takes time, it is caused by fat, so continue to lose fat.  Here are the main tips:

* Continue to lose fat.

* Moisturize a lot.

* Detoxify every way, sweat, dry brush skin, massage, sauna, go organic.

* Drink water. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate. 

* Feed yourself nutritiously, lots of greens, use vitamin and mineral supplements.

The more fat you lose combined with the more muscle you build, the more your skin will tighten up.  Its not loose skin, its fat under the skin that you need to lose.

Tone the muscles in your body to help lose more fat.  Weight-bearing exercise to tone, aerobic exercise to sweat. Sweat helps to eliminate toxins.  Bathe with sea salts and minerals to nourish skin.

Time and proper resistance training will tighten you up by increasing muscle strength and size.  Two to seven years is what it takes to tighten up after a weight loss of about 100 pounds.  Be patient and continue to eat a proper diet to lose fat while toning muscle.

Drink 100-200 cal. of protein before or after toning muscles with exercise while drinking lots of water to stay hydrated. Exfoliate afterwards with dry skin brushing, then moisturize with skin tightening creams that contain aloe vera, hyaluronic acid, yeast extract, soy protein, vitamin C, E and A to increase the collagen and elastin formation in skin.

p.s. 7 July 2012.  Reading about the supplement MSM as a terrific detoxifier that really restores elasticity to skin, joints, etc.  Its supposed to work like a miracle. But the key is to restore health with great nutrition and to continually detoxify with exercise, massage, etc.  19 tips (skip #20). 

Community Week 2

I joined a community weight loss challenge to end in April. I had a weigh-in and fitness testing. Results were that I could sit and reach 21cm which is poor flexibility.  I could do 5 girl push-ups which is fair upper body strength; and 1 min wall squat which is excellent lower body strength.

Have reduced calories up to 1200 per day so that I can lose weight, following the HSGD plan roughly.  Will work on building muscle to increase calories needed per day to maintain weight, and will start to work on flexibility due to fitness test results.

Need to eat more filling veg and fruit as per the Dr Fuhrman progam to stave off hunger and weird food cravings, also need to drink lots of water to stay hydrated, flush fat, but MOST IMPORTANT to keep skin moist and prevent flabby skin.  The ultimate goal is to regain "my girlfriend has the nicest hips".

Omron scale 171 lbs, 29.4 BMI, 44.3% fat, 9 visceral fat, 23.9% muscle, need 1473 kcalories to maintain.

Weight today: 169 lbs
Bust 44.25"
Rib 35.5"
Waist 37.5"
Hips 40.75"
Bicep 13.25"right
Thigh 22.75"right

July 1, 2012 addendum: Community Weight Race weight 173.7 lbs, 39" waist.