Wish

I'm feeling so sick and disheartened and wishing, wishing, wishing I'd made so many different choices in the past.  I don't like where I am now, and wish I knew then what I know now.

Somone posted this wish on their facebook page, and I thought yes.  I wish I'd done more last year.  And yet I did as much as I thought I could handle.  I just wish I could handle more.  I wish I was less lazy, less of a baby to myself.

I just am so dissatisfied with everything about myself right now.  I am so unhappy to be alone, on the verge of divorce, torturing myself with wishes for what I should have done differently in the past.

Here is advice to me 30 years ago:  Hey, whether you like it or not, you are a timid person, accept that.  Now having accepted that, realize that you are very lucky to have found true love, that is rare even for outgoing people.  You might think there is a more exciting world of adventure out there that you might miss out on if you marry your first love;  that is wrong.  Your first love is your only true love ever in your entire life.  If you mess it up with him, you will have missed every wonderful thing this world has to offer.  You can only live well with family. With a loving husband and children.  I don't care what anyone else says, for you, this is the only truth.  When your true love asks you to marry him, do it.  Do it immediately and do everythign in your power to stay happy yourself.  The happiness of a marriage is dependent on the happiness of the wife.  And happiness is something you decide to be or not.  Its a matter of faking it till you make it sometimes.  One more thing, have babies, as many as you can.  Babies are even more important than a husband to your future happiness.  But stay happy for your husband too.  He is moody but doesn't understand it, or why.  If you are happy, he will be happy.  And your family, all of you, will be happy.  I promise.

Unprecedented

Well Tuesday is my Weight Watchers meeting.  With a Weight Watchers Meeting starting weight of 174.2  and my weigh-in on Tuesday of 169 that equals an unprecedented 5.2 lbs lose!!!!!

I have never lost that much in one week before.   I'm very happy.  It's so encouraging to love a program as much as I love this Weight Watchers program and to be so successful too.  Very encouraging.

So encouraging that I bought their 10 minute resistance band exercise video, so first thing in the morning i can start out with that 10 minute exercise.  Then walk and run at lunch.  When I think about exercise I think running to lose weight but my boss who is very slim suggested I work out with weights that is what she does everyday at lunch.

She's right.  So I'm starting with the resistance band exercise and walking (and running) to not stress out my muscles too much.  But even the 1/2 hour walk everyday helps.  So adding more walking and gentle running should hopefully prevent against weight gain like has happened in past when I've started some new exercise program.  Gentle is the way, at least for me, for now.

Unprecedented weight loss.

Oh and its Thursday today and my scale says I weigh 164 lbs which is the first time I reached that weight on my scale too.  So the needle really is going in the right direction.  Yes I am excited again.

To compare with Omron scale results in past:  weight is 166.2 lbs, BMI of 28.5    Body fat is 45.5%  Muscle is 22.5%, I need 1445 calories to maintain my current weight, Visceral fat is 9.
Measurements:
Bust 44.75"
Rib 35"
Waist 37.5"
Hip 40.5"
Bicep right 13"
Thigh right 22.25"

New goals

My original weight loss schedule has been derailed, by now I should be ~130, but I'm ~170.  Well derailed.

So its time I start a new schedule.  Originally I thought I was a certain height, but it turns out I'm one and a half inch taller.  Thats a big difference of about 7 pounds, when it comes to weight ratios.  So my new goals will be based on actual height, even knowing full well that as I age I may lose height.

So here goes. As of Tuesday, May 1,  I weighed 174.2, starting point.

At height of 5'5.5"  Overweight is 153-182, Normal is 113-152.
At height of 5'5" Overweight is 150-179, Normal is 111-149.
At height of 5'4" Overweight is 146-174, Normal is 108-145.

Normal Large =133-145.
Normal Medium =121-133.
Normal Small = 108-120.  

174-121=53 pounds divided by 9 is 6 pounds per month.  If I could lose 6 pounds per month then I could almost still reach my goal by the end of this year. That would require that I stay very vigilent and careful, to achieve; and if I do even better then maybe I'll make it by the end of this year, within eight months.  Especially if I add regular exercise and sporadic fasting.  It is possible!  It's a goal.

May 2012 174.2 --> 168.
June 2012 168 --> 162.
July 2012 162 --> 156.
August 2012  156 --> 150
September 2012 150 -->144.
October 2012 144 --> 138.
November 2012 138 -->132.
December 2012  132 -->126.
January 2013 126-->120.

Goal = 115-121 lbs or 18-23% body fat.

Tanita

Earlier this year I signed up for health coaching with a university student.  I ended up not meeting with her because our schedules conflicted and I was just nervous due to the divorce stuff happening at the end of March and still continuing. 

Anyway she started out in February with different fitness tests and today we did them again to see how I've improved. Ha ha ha.  I've done nothing for all of March and April, so I haven't improved but I do have so useful data to record here.

I stepped on a Tanita Body Composition Analyzer TBF-300A.  And it gave a print out of my readings.  Here it is:

Body Type: Standard
Gender, Age, Height.
Weight 169.0 lbs.
BMI  28.1
Fat % = 41.2%
Basal Metabolic Rate =  6099 kJ, 1458 kcal.
Impedance 562 Omega
Fat Mass 69.6 lbs.
Fat Free Mass (bones, muscles, etc) 99.41 lbs.
TBW 72.8 lbs.
Desirable range Fat %  would be 23-34%
Desirable range Fat mass would be 29.6-51.2 lbs.


Also want to note on my first thing in the morning scale I weighed 166.5.  But then on the scale in the testing office I weighed 174.  Drag.  So it was encouraging to see the Tanita results above.

Joined

So I joined Weight Watchers today.  I don't know what to think, I didn't want to resort to them.

The only way I can make them work for me though, is to figure out a system to coincide with their stupid Points system, that I can use even after I stop going to meetings.

So here it is: I figured out the 1 point is approximately 40 calories.  The plan I'm following is 26 points per day so that is approximately 1050 calories with most vegetables and fruits equalling 0 points, so they are "free" foods on top of the counted calories.  This is very reasonable.  Its easy to fill up on fresh raw fruits and lightly cooked unseasoned vegetables.  It is easy. It is.

So I have high hopes.  Fingers crossed I start losing weight again.

I'm not going to weigh myself at all throughout this, I'll just go by their weight for me so today at WW I weigh-in at 174.2 lbs.  Good luck me!

Sick

Ok last week I gave up trying to lose weight by following a 1500-1800 calorie diet.  I was only maintaining with that.  In the past when I followed a 900-1200 calorie diet I lost weight but it seemed such a small amount of food, I didn't want to be stuck eating only that much for the rest of my life.  So I upped it and gained back the same 5 lbs, up and down trial and error.

But last week I decided I probably do have to follow a 1000-1200 calorie diet in order to lose weight, and then probably to maintain it for the rest of my life too.  That is worrying.  It really is a very small amount of food.  But I'm at this point around ~170 and above 170 is obese, and below 170 is overweight.

I need to get below 145, becuase ~145 and above is overweight, and below is average.  So I need to get into average.  I would love to meet my goal of 121.  That would be wonderful!  But before I can get there I have to get down below 145.

Last Thursday I weighed 167.5.  I started following a 1000 calorie diet and after 4 days,  on Monday I weighed 171.5, a gain of 4 lbs.  I was miserable all day Monday, miserable.  I'd been so hungry all weekend, and on Monday I could hardly think straight to get my work done, I was that distracted by hunger.  So on Monday I ate protein supplements, protein bar for lunch, protein drink added to my pitcher of water, protein for dinner.

On Tueday I weighed 170.   My hunger was less, so I ate more protein, protein smoothie for breakfast, protein drink added to my pitcher of water again, and protein for dinner.  Lots of vegetables.  But then Tuesday night I had been so upset that I made myself ill.  I got my nice migrane headache which lead to  me being sick, and sick again, and sick again until I had completely purged everything in my stomach.  Apparently I had digested nothing during the day and it was all just sitting there, stewing, in my stomach.

Despite the discomfort and the disgusting taste and smell, I was actually happy with being sick.  I didn't do it on purpose, but  I thought well at least it will help me lose weight.  And it did.  Today I weigh 167.  So down 1/2 pound, after one week of eating a meager 1000 calories a day.  Great.  How encouraging.

I am being sarcastic.

Oh, I'm also going to join Weight Watchers.  Its never been long haul helpful in the past, but it has helped for short term weight loss.  I am desperate.

Easter

On Easter I weighed 167.5