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Reincarnation.  I saw a fortune teller last month, even though I'd sworn off fortune tellers.  She suggested that Nicest Boyfriend I've Ever Had and I are twin souls or some phrase I can't remember.  She suggested we lived other lives together, that we are a balm for each other.

I found the Smokey Robinson song "More Love" with the lyrics:

"Let it be soon, don't hesitate

Make it now, don't wait

Open your heart and let my love come in

I want the moment to stop when I can fill your heart

With more love, and more joy

Than age or time could ever destroy

My love will be so solid

It would take a hundred lifetimes 

To live it down, tear it down."

I read "Only Love is Real" by reincarnation author Brian Weiss.  I've been trying to follow his CDs for past life regression but having no luck.  I've used them in the past with very good results but not this time for whatever reason. 

I wonder if the depth of love I felt for First Love might be some kind of reincarnation thing, if reincarnation is real.  It's just so deeply anchored in me that I wonder why, either something supernatural or perhaps it has to do with my nature.  On our 4th or 5th date he asked me to promise I would never break up with him.  I remember thinking he was asking too much of me, that it was too strong of a commitment but I said I promised, and knew at that moment that I was promising to marry him; that I was giving up all my former hopes and dreams for the future and dedicating myself to him.  I wonder if my sense of honor is so strong that I can not loose myself from that promise.  I don't know though.

 I want to write him a letter and explain how I've felt, what I've wondered, not because I hope he will change his plans to marry the girl he's currently engaged to, but because it just feels so real to me, and if it feels deep to him too, maybe it will help us both to move on if we both understand that about each other?  I don't know.

I want to be slim again, I want to let go of this weight and move forward free of this padding or lack of movement or whatever this is, what this physical manifestation, that looks like fat, really is.