Phantom

I'm living in the shadowlands between sanity and crazy, due purely to stress.  Trying so hard to hold it together and sometimes I think I'm doing fine.  Then I'll take a walk to calm down and give myself a good talking to and remind myself that rational human beings do not have real relationships with people who have started dating other people, have unfriended you on facebook, and do not reply to your emails.  That, I remind myself, has crossed the line into delusional crazyland of stalking.  So stop it, stop it now.

Stress in the past has caused me to gain weight, I knew that, but I thought that maybe I was eating poorly too.  But I track everythign that passes my lips and I know for a fact that I eat no more than 500-800 calories a day and walk at least 20 minutes to 2 hours a day, and I am still gaining a pound a day.  I went from 146 lbs last week, gaining a pound a day until now I weigh on my homescale 149 lbs.  I cannot tell you how much that pisses me off.

So yes, I look awful, harried.  I feel exhausted, no sleep.   I pray constantly and sometimes I believe that God is really answering my prayers.  Sometimes I think my one true love still cares for me, too -- maybe he worries about me, but his overall message is that he doesn't want to pursue a relationship with me.  So I have to step out of the shadows and face real life.  In real life my true love abondoned me, just like my husband abandoned me, for other women.  That is the harsh cold truth.

Sorry to say this but you need to face the truth, and you need to somehow get this project done at work, someway, on time so that you can relax again, and recouperate from a really difficult month.

July 31 official Weight Watchers weigh-in 148.6 lbs. What a relief, to be reminded that even when I'm worried and hard on myself that I'm actually doing better than I thought.   Homescale 148 lbs.  August 1 omron scale=148.2 lbs, 25.4 BMI, 40.2% body fat, 24.5% muscle,  need 1369 kcals to maintain weight, 7 visceral fat.  July 31 measurements:
Bust  41.5"
Rib 32.75"
Waist 36"
Hips 39"
Bicep 12.25"right
Thigh 20.5" right