Pearl

I am intentionally trying to cultivate grace.  I'm sure you've seen it in action, so you know what I mean.  When you meet someone who just has so much faith in god that they just believe or know or have just so regularly attributed all to an interventionist god that whatever happens to them, good or ill, they just accept it with serenity and believe it is all god's will.

The sort of people who swim half way between the material world and the spiritual world.  That is what I'm trying to cultivate, that serenity, that faith.

It's more than just serenity, though isn't it?  It's almost as if they believe god is on their side, watching out for them, and protecting them.  As if they are dancing in the palm of god.

Well whatever it is they have, I want to have it too.  So I'm trying to cultivate it somehow.  By choosing to attribute everything to god, and choosing to believe it all has meaning for me. As if the world has been almost designed for my edification, for my nurturance, for my benefit, personally.

There is a song in Dutch by Gerald Troost called "Een parel" that has been very calming to me even before I translated the lyrics.  The lyrics are actually a little embarrassing but I still like the song.   The deeper meaning goes along with the Buddhist idea of "one bright pearl" and the biblical scriptures:  "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be not dismayed, for I am your God.  I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand." -Isaiah 41:10.  "See! I will not forget you.  I have carved you on the palm of my hand."  -Isaiah 49:15.

Een Parel (akoestisch) by Gerald Troost

You sit here alone
No man around you.
And the fear prevails
When you think about who you are
and who you'll ever have.

And nobody sees
your pain and sorrow.
And no man can give you
a purpose in your life.
Oh loneliness.

You are shouting to a friend
that you really understand.
Longs for a god who
frees your soul.
And in your dark night sounds
a voice very soft . . . .

You are a miracle.
You are special.
You are a jewel in god's hands.
He gives you love
which you desire.

Through all your tears,
He never leaves you alone.
Give him the space
in your pain.
He wants to be a father
for you.
You're a Pearl.

I kind of like this blog entry, its not perfect but its good.  Wrapt in her wings.  I don't wish for visions, that's the opposite of what I want. All I'm looking for really is some way to not go mad.  The turn of events is almost too much for me to accept, I keep hoping it will turn back to the way it was in 2011, because if not, I'm afraid its almost too much for me.

I'm frustrated that my weight is not going down as fast as I'd like.  So what does this mean?  I think it means that I need to eat more vegetables and fruit, and less dairy and processed foods.  I think it also means I really NEED to start doing weight resistance exercise.

This past week my weight has been as low as 155.5 and 156.5 but today my official Weight Watchers weigh-in is 157.2 lbs. REACHED -10%!!!!  The home scale weight is 157.5.   The omron scale weight is 158 lbs, 27.1 BMI, 43.1% body fat, 23.5% muscle, I need 1411 kcal to maintain this weight, visceral fat is 8.  Measurements are:
Bust 42.5"
Rib  34.75"
Waist  36.5"
Hips  39.5"
Bicep 12.75"right
Thigh 21.5"right

p.s. July 4 homescale 155 lbs, July 5 = 155 lbs, July 6 = 155.5 lbs, July 7 = 155 lbs, July 8 = 155.5 lbs, July 9 = 154 lbs.