Miss

St Jude Thaddeus the Apostle

Prayer:  Saint Jude, we have problems in our relationship. Beg Almighty God to give us the light to see ourselves and each other as we really are. Help us to grow daily in self-knowledge and mutual love, while at the same time developing our potential to love and be loved. Help us, Saint Jude, to see and root out every manifestation of selfishness, vanity, and childish self-seeking -- those hidden enemies of love and maturity. Show us that by learning to love and being filled with love, we may complement and nurture each other as we share our lives together.  Amen.

Well for the third time in my life I've lost my appetite, and can't sleep at night.  The same cause each time.  The first time my true love broke up with me, the second time my true love moved away from me and we were apart for 25 years, now this time my true love stopped waiting for my divorce to become final to instead start dating someone he just met.

Since Wednesday I can't eat, I can't sleep.  I had large bowl of Irish oats and fruit for breakfast, 1/2 a cupcake for lunch and then I found out my true love started dating someone else.

 Even with that much food, I lost 4 pounds over night!!!! I went from 154 lbs on Wednesday to 150.5 lbs on Thursday.  And so far its stayed off, I imagine I might have lost a little more since then too but I didn't weigh myself today.

The Weight Watchers site already warns me about losing weight too quickly.  I'm glad to be losing weight though.  I just wish I could sleep.  I don't know what to do.  And today I did something that was more impetuous than well thought out.  I hate that -- it makes me feel a little crazy.  I'm fine really.  I just miss him so much.

Miss him.  And just as I dated my husband while he was still married; the man who recently struck at my heart is not my husband; this time I am married and he's who I'd like to be dating.  I am a Mrs wishing to be a Miss, but instead I'm amiss, missing my pure true love.

To calm down and sleep I prayed to St Jude and then watched on-line dharma talks of Thich Naht Hahn.  He gives the best, gentlest, easy to remember mindfulness practices and mantras.  To love and be there meditation.  1. Recognize his or her presence.  2. Learn two mantras: (breathe in) "Darling I'm here for you." (breathe out) "Darling I know you are there and I'm so happy."

p.s. Official July 17 Weight Watchers weigh-in 151.6 lbs -- which means I'm almost one month ahead of my 6-month goals.   Omron scale 150.8 lbs, 25.7 BMI, 42% body fat, 23.4% muscle, need 1380 kcals to maintain weight, visceral fat is 8.  Homescale July 16=149 lbs, July 17=149.5 lbs, July 18=150.5 lbs, July 19=149 lbs, July 20=151 lbs, July 23=148.5 lbs. Measurements:
Bust 41.5"
Rib 32.5"
Waist 36"
Hips 39.5"
Bicep 12.25"right
Thigh 20.5"right.