Well I've been meaning to write more about divorce. I'm still torn about it; about whether I believe anyone should ever get divorced. I mean I do really believe in it, but part of me fights that, part of me thinks in black & white divorce is WRONG. Its been going on now since I first filed in October 2010. We had divorce court at the end of March 2012; now we're waiting for the judge to make his ruling.
Once a week I notice I'm having emotional binge days, where I eat off program, too much, out of emotional upset. This is since I've started tracking everything I eat when joining Weight Watchers. Tracking what I eat has been useful. I didn't realize I had eating binges so often still. I thought they were minimized, but I can see they are still a regular part of my pattern.
Facing the impending divorce is having to face my panic about the future and that is partly what is feeding the emotional binges. But I've made an appointment to talk to a counselor, so she hopefully will help me make plans for my future to alleviate some of that panic. I see her this upcoming week, I'm looking forward to that. I hope she helps and doesn't hurt.
The last time I talked to a counselor it was to get advice on how to make my marriage work but the counselor said almost from the first day I should divorce, and my husband never came to any of the marriage counseling sessions anyway so I just quit going, and eventually, half a year later took her advice too. That's still bad advice though, for her to have an opinion about something so very personal and intimate. I wanted her to help me decide, not for her to express an opinion. I still resent that and think it was wrong of her.
On Thursday my husband suggested we stay together. Even though the idea is ludicrous, its partly attractive to me too. Facing the future alone, it looks so desolate to me. Its hard to stay positive when I'm so panicked and scared. So we'll see what the future brings. Writing this post is so emotionally hard that all I want to do is sleep. Just sleep to escape the pain of thinking about all of this.
Once a week I notice I'm having emotional binge days, where I eat off program, too much, out of emotional upset. This is since I've started tracking everything I eat when joining Weight Watchers. Tracking what I eat has been useful. I didn't realize I had eating binges so often still. I thought they were minimized, but I can see they are still a regular part of my pattern.
Facing the impending divorce is having to face my panic about the future and that is partly what is feeding the emotional binges. But I've made an appointment to talk to a counselor, so she hopefully will help me make plans for my future to alleviate some of that panic. I see her this upcoming week, I'm looking forward to that. I hope she helps and doesn't hurt.
The last time I talked to a counselor it was to get advice on how to make my marriage work but the counselor said almost from the first day I should divorce, and my husband never came to any of the marriage counseling sessions anyway so I just quit going, and eventually, half a year later took her advice too. That's still bad advice though, for her to have an opinion about something so very personal and intimate. I wanted her to help me decide, not for her to express an opinion. I still resent that and think it was wrong of her.
On Thursday my husband suggested we stay together. Even though the idea is ludicrous, its partly attractive to me too. Facing the future alone, it looks so desolate to me. Its hard to stay positive when I'm so panicked and scared. So we'll see what the future brings. Writing this post is so emotionally hard that all I want to do is sleep. Just sleep to escape the pain of thinking about all of this.
Good luck to all facing difficulties. Try to always see and focus on the positive.
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