Turn

I may have finally turned the corner, to be on a new more optimistic path than when I was still primarily missing First Love.   His betrayal of me that I never got over, my husband's betrayal of me, and First Love's second betrayal,  it's not what I expected from life.  I really believed that my life would be like the fairytales, to fall in love and get married and stay married forever after.  I'm not sure how to make sense of my life.  No different from other people I'm sure, bad judgement or bad luck led to a calamity that I had a hard time getting over.  I kept trying to get past that hurdle but it stymied me, for whatever reason.  Anyway my hope is that now that I have a real resolution from losing First Love, maybe now I am free to find what I was looking for in the first place. 

Maybe now I'm on a new path towards real, steady, steadfast, dedicated, true love.

I hope so.

I really like my new boyfriend even if he does live too far away.  Even if this, that, and the other thing. There will always be problems to deal with.  That's the whole journey of life.

For now I love life the way it is.  I'll try to stop fretting about where it is going, and rest in god's arms, that god will lead me in the place god wants me to be.   It's an easier way to live.  We'll see what the future brings.

I hope the future brings love and marriage - the real, true tender mutual caring of a loving marriage.

We'll see.