I've been tracking everything I eat very carefully ever since I started Weight Watchers, and that has allowed me to be very careful about what I eat and successfully lose weight.
But last weekend I went crazy and First Love finally phoned me in distress, which hearing his voice, finally, was such a relief that I was finally able to let go of him. But letting go of him, meant letting go of the reason for losing weight, it was letting go of all hope. And today is the day of my final divorce hearing, and I am very, very, very nervous.
Today is also the day I begin massage school, so its the last day I was married and the first day of a new life being single again. I cannot tell you how that distresses me. I loved being married, even being in a bad marriage was better to me than being single. For First Love to do this to me, to give me the motivation to divorce my husband in hope of something better with him, and then for him to desert me just before the divorce becomes final, that is such a cruel blow.
Partly I am grateful too, becuase if I am going to be divorced I want to face it with no other hope, I want to face it honestly and darkly and terrified that this might be the biggest mistake of my life. It might be.
But apart from that honesty, that First Love should leave me deserted losing both him and my husband, its so cruel. My true love left me once when I was young and I never got over him, then I finally found someone who I was able to keep some heat with and it wasn't as strong a love as with First Love but I was able to maintain some heat with him, I still do. My consolation in a world without First Love. But now First Love has gone and left me again, alone, without him, and without the only other person I was able to find any degree of happiness with. It's just so unbearably cruel.
So left well and truely alone again by First Love.
Anyway this means for the first time since I started Weight Watchers I am struggling to track what I eat, and I have been eating way more than I should. I'm shocked at how easy it is to eat so much more when I'm not keeping track. It's so easy to eat too much. It's too easy. That's very worrying. I want to lose so much more weight, how am I going to maintain it?
Well maybe after today I will start tracking religiously again. With 4 months left I really need to start exercising too. It's the only way I'll make it. Will also do an herbal cleanse in December to make sure all goes well.
Official July 29 Weight Watchers weigh-in is 145.6 lbs. I have officially lost 3/4 of the total goal loss! I've officially lost 75 lbs so far!!!! That is terrific!!!! Homescale is 143.5 lbs. Measurements:
Bust 43"
Rib 32"
Waist 35"
Hips 39"
Bicep 12" right
Thight 19" right.
But last weekend I went crazy and First Love finally phoned me in distress, which hearing his voice, finally, was such a relief that I was finally able to let go of him. But letting go of him, meant letting go of the reason for losing weight, it was letting go of all hope. And today is the day of my final divorce hearing, and I am very, very, very nervous.
Today is also the day I begin massage school, so its the last day I was married and the first day of a new life being single again. I cannot tell you how that distresses me. I loved being married, even being in a bad marriage was better to me than being single. For First Love to do this to me, to give me the motivation to divorce my husband in hope of something better with him, and then for him to desert me just before the divorce becomes final, that is such a cruel blow.
Partly I am grateful too, becuase if I am going to be divorced I want to face it with no other hope, I want to face it honestly and darkly and terrified that this might be the biggest mistake of my life. It might be.
But apart from that honesty, that First Love should leave me deserted losing both him and my husband, its so cruel. My true love left me once when I was young and I never got over him, then I finally found someone who I was able to keep some heat with and it wasn't as strong a love as with First Love but I was able to maintain some heat with him, I still do. My consolation in a world without First Love. But now First Love has gone and left me again, alone, without him, and without the only other person I was able to find any degree of happiness with. It's just so unbearably cruel.
So left well and truely alone again by First Love.
Anyway this means for the first time since I started Weight Watchers I am struggling to track what I eat, and I have been eating way more than I should. I'm shocked at how easy it is to eat so much more when I'm not keeping track. It's so easy to eat too much. It's too easy. That's very worrying. I want to lose so much more weight, how am I going to maintain it?
Well maybe after today I will start tracking religiously again. With 4 months left I really need to start exercising too. It's the only way I'll make it. Will also do an herbal cleanse in December to make sure all goes well.
Official July 29 Weight Watchers weigh-in is 145.6 lbs. I have officially lost 3/4 of the total goal loss! I've officially lost 75 lbs so far!!!! That is terrific!!!! Homescale is 143.5 lbs. Measurements:
Bust 43"
Rib 32"
Waist 35"
Hips 39"
Bicep 12" right
Thight 19" right.
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