27th smoothie

Today is a slight variation of yesterday's smoothie.  Dairy milk, Postum, spinach and ice.  Again, it's a little bland but I like it.

Then later we shared ice cream that was delicious and fresh. Dairy milk, honey, frozen strawberries, spinach, ice.  Oh yum!

It was so thick and I should have layered the spinach under the strawberries but didn't, so little green spinach pieces were visible and gorgeous inside the strawberry pink ice cream. And the seeds weren't entirely pulverized so that was nice too.  I love the seeds.

26th smoothie

This was kind of bland but I loved it.  Organic dairy milk, vanilla, cocoa, 10 leaves of spinach, and ice.

I could have added a banana or sugar to make it more flavorful but liked it bland.

Next time I'll make one with unsweetened coconut or almond milk, Postum, spinach and ice.  I think that will be delicious too.

25th smoothie

Didn't make a 25th smoothie.  Sort of, half broke the challenge.  Did drink the rest of the 24th smoothie, so did have a smoothie, just didn't make a new one.

Have been down lately. Really down.  Couldn't figure out why for the longest time.  Kept asking why don't I have the motivation to take better care of myself?

Figured it out today.  I know the reason is because since the divorce I don't make enough money to support myself.  When I was younger and made this much money it was ok because everything was less expensive, but everything is 2-3x more expensive now, and I simply don't make enough money.

It's depressing, and makes me feel very stupid.  Just read an article titled "Why so many PhDs are on food stamps".

But at least, finally, I understand what is bugging me.  Why I felt so down. Maybe I can start taking better care of myself now, now that I can see why I was so disappointed with the decisions I've made in my life, why I don't like myself enough to want to take care of myself, as if I'm punishing myself for not being as good as I wish I was.  It was a self-destructive little mental/emotional train of thought.

24th smoothie

Made a banana, coconut milk, pineapple, 10 spinach leaf, and ice smoothie.

23rd smoothie

Wow, I forgot to post this last night.  I bought an Orange Julius from Dairy Queen, then came home and made my homemade version orange frothy and they were not even close.

My homemade version was much sweeter with stronger vanilla flavor, and had much, much less orange juice flavor.  So I'll have to half the simple syrup vanilla mixture or double the orange juice to adjust for this and try again.  The texture of the homemade version is nicer than the Dairy Queen version though, it is much closer to the 1970s Orange Julius super creamy texture that I remember.

Am still not over losing First Boyfriend.  Why can't I just let go of this??? I'll be reminded of someone who reminds me of me,  then I'll think how his wife (and previous wives) is so much like me too, then I don't understand why he likes women who are so very much like me, but not me.  Why does he like them and not me?  It hurts me every time I think about it.

Then I have to go over all this again, to convince myself it's for the best.  He was always trying to control me, eventually it would become very demoralizing.  He did nothing to compromise with me, he demanded I do all the compromising, we were not equally yoked.  That is why it was wrong for both of us.  That is why he went away.  Please accept this.  Please let go.  Let go.

Why do we fall in love with the people we do?  Especially if they seem to be the people who torture us the most?

22nd smoothie

Today had the rest of the sorbet from yesterday.  Tried making a peanut butter smoothie but then dropped a glass, it shattered and I threw everything away and cleaned up and did not make another one.  Shattered glass is so threatening.

Thinking about numerology. My understanding of the numbers is this:

0 - represents nothing but its really a highly complicated concept of ouroboros, cycle of life, snake eating its own tail.  In 2-D it is a line shaped into an infinite circle defining the inside and the outside as two separate things so creating a divide, a dualism. In 3-D it is an egg or a sphere.  So it is a representation of something that is supposed to represent nothing, an oxymoron. Something that is nothing that will return to nothing.

1 - the beginning of something.  In computer language of dualism there are only two letters/words, 0 and 1.  A single unit, unity.

2 - dualism, being able to have a choice.

3 - a tripod is the beginning of being able to make something solid you could sit on or hang something from, put some pressure on, but it has a delicate and precarious balance. It stands only in balance with the other parts.

4 - a very solid base, a strong solid base for a chair to sit on or building to live inside, with fairly strong and consistent ability to withstand outside pressure.

5 - the five fingers of a hand, manifestation, the material world. Very simplified, in nature the way organic things seem to divide from 1 into 2 into 5.

6 - sex, not sure why other than they are both s-x; also it is double 3s, so the intercourse between the two that are each in a very delicate balance.

7 - heaven, as in lucky number.

8 - turn an eight on its side and you have infinity.

9 - end of something.

21st smoothie

Today's smoothie is sorbet, not a smoothie per say.  1 part sweetened aloe vera juice flavored with mango, 3 parts frozen mango and frozen mixed fruit.  It was good, but very cold.