06 September 2014

25th smoothie

Didn't make a 25th smoothie.  Sort of, half broke the challenge.  Did drink the rest of the 24th smoothie, so did have a smoothie, just didn't make a new one.

Have been down lately. Really down.  Couldn't figure out why for the longest time.  Kept asking why don't I have the motivation to take better care of myself?

Figured it out today.  I know the reason is because since the divorce I don't make enough money to support myself.  When I was younger and made this much money it was ok because everything was less expensive, but everything is 2-3x more expensive now, and I simply don't make enough money.

It's depressing, and makes me feel very stupid.  Just read an article titled "Why so many PhDs are on food stamps".


But at least, finally, I understand what is bugging me.  Why I felt so down. Maybe I can start taking better care of myself now, now that I can see why I was so disappointed with the decisions I've made in my life, why I don't like myself enough to want to take care of myself, as if I'm punishing myself for not being as good as I wish I was.  It was a self-destructive little mental/emotional train of thought.

No comments: