Well as of this weekend I decided I have been feeling weakened and ill ever since I got that flu and cold the week of Christmas. I just am always tired since I started school, then I got the flu and since then I just am struggling even more than before. It's just getting to be too much. I don't know what to do. School will be done June 26, but I don't know if I can make it til then.
I weighed myself this morning, on my homescale I weigh 171!!! That is shocking!! I haven't weighed that much in a very long time, since 2011 I think? Maybe I'm wrong but anyway its a 30 pound weight gain since October 2012 and a 10 pound weight gain since 2 weeks ago!!!
I got my hair cut yesterday too, 10 inches off at one time so I could donate my hair, but it's just a bit longer than shoulder length now and I definately do not feel attractive anymore.
I bought a pair of jeans in size 12 last night becuase I just am so uncomfortable in size 10 jeans. I am finding it hard to find tops in size large around the house because I got rid of everything as soon as I moved down a size. This is a struggle in every way. I am feeling very down and very tired and I just don't know what to do to help myself.
I pray. I'm struggling with getting my homework done more than ever. I joined lumosity to train my brain and my scores are sometimes lower than when I started. I'm just struggling. I don't know what to do.
I got in a fight with the girl I drive to school with last week. I don't know, I just don't know.
I am still in shock that my true love deserted me the way he did, I'm still not over that. And yet I know I have to. I know that for whatever reason he simply is not good enough for me and god wants something better for me. I have to believe that. I hate being divorced.
I feel such general malaise including feeling sick, that I even took a pregnancy test just to rule that out even though I knew the chances were highly unlikely anyway. Yes it was negative.
I am dating someone very nice but he lives very far away. He lives 9 hours drive away. He hasn't seen me since I gained so much weight, and now with my hair cut. I don't feel attractive anymore. I don't know if he will still like me when he does see me. I don't feel as sexy and yet I know I just have to change my attitude and start writing down everything I eat to gain control over that again.
We'll see. I have to turn this around.
I weighed myself this morning, on my homescale I weigh 171!!! That is shocking!! I haven't weighed that much in a very long time, since 2011 I think? Maybe I'm wrong but anyway its a 30 pound weight gain since October 2012 and a 10 pound weight gain since 2 weeks ago!!!
I got my hair cut yesterday too, 10 inches off at one time so I could donate my hair, but it's just a bit longer than shoulder length now and I definately do not feel attractive anymore.
I bought a pair of jeans in size 12 last night becuase I just am so uncomfortable in size 10 jeans. I am finding it hard to find tops in size large around the house because I got rid of everything as soon as I moved down a size. This is a struggle in every way. I am feeling very down and very tired and I just don't know what to do to help myself.
I pray. I'm struggling with getting my homework done more than ever. I joined lumosity to train my brain and my scores are sometimes lower than when I started. I'm just struggling. I don't know what to do.
I am still in shock that my true love deserted me the way he did, I'm still not over that. And yet I know I have to. I know that for whatever reason he simply is not good enough for me and god wants something better for me. I have to believe that. I hate being divorced.
I feel such general malaise including feeling sick, that I even took a pregnancy test just to rule that out even though I knew the chances were highly unlikely anyway. Yes it was negative.
I am dating someone very nice but he lives very far away. He lives 9 hours drive away. He hasn't seen me since I gained so much weight, and now with my hair cut. I don't feel attractive anymore. I don't know if he will still like me when he does see me. I don't feel as sexy and yet I know I just have to change my attitude and start writing down everything I eat to gain control over that again.
We'll see. I have to turn this around.
3 comments:
Don't let the weight gain get you down. I gained 30lbs since October as well. I was down to a skinny/healthy size and was happy while scared because I haven't weighed that in 15 years. Then low and behold, I was pregnant. With no idea of what to eat I was just thinking "eating for two". I obviously had no idea what I was doing. After losing it in January, suffering from depression since, I have decided to lift myself and try to gain control of my life again.
Hold your chin up high and keep moving forward.
Crysy
Thank you again Crysy. Your encouragement means more than you know. Thank you!
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