Enclosed in the word gift is the word if. What if First Love wanted to come back into my life? How would I react?
It would depend on how he presented it to me.
If he just wanted to reestablish a friendship, yes I'd love to be friends with him.
If he wanted to date me? My heart would skip a beat, an answer to a prayer, but with so much distrust part of my feelings for him. How could I, or would I even want to try to learn to trust him again?
The question has plagued me only because a psychic told me that would happen; or at least that is how she interpretted the message she was getting. I no longer seek psychic fortune tellers. I sought 2 psychic fortune tellers when I started the divorce in 2010; and they gave me contradictory information, and it made me so nervous, my intention became unfocused and filled with fear. I eschew psychic fortune tellers. Now I think of fortune tellers like the witches in MacBeth - wreaking havoc and tragedy whatever they touch.
She was an unsolisited psychic with an unwanted message. But I listened to her. She got a lot of details right. Things no one but me knows, not even First Love knows. She gets messages from living people frequently she said, dead people too, but living people. I think she misunderstood the message though. I can't imagine First Love ever wanting to be part of my life again. Still, it would be nice if he did want me.
There is a famous Indian tale of a woman who was madly in love with her husband, but then she was kidnapped by another man who wanted to have her. She fought off his advances and escaped back to her husband, who didn't believe she had been virtuous to him so he left her, abandoned her. She lead a wretched, heart-aching life. !! ALERT: SPOILERS --> Then many years later he repented and returned to her. When he asked to be reunited with her, she asked the gods to open up and swallow her into hell, they did and she jumped in, rather than return to her beloved husband.
What if First Love wanted to date me in future? It's a luxury to allow myself to think about that fantasy what if. Yet I worry too, that I'm not moving on. Worry that I'm allowing this past hurt to continue to hurt me. Worry that I'm just a skipping record, over and over repeating the same lines. I need to lift up the needle into the next groove -- move forward.
The psychic asked me why I would want to be with someone who would do what he did to me? I agree, why? Why have I loved men who betrayed my faithfulness, devotion and love? Why?
What if I allow myself to now fall in love with someone new who has the capacity to love me and treat me well? Am I ruined? Since I loved and was maimed, am I now unable to love fully? Can new love heal me from old wounds? How does love work?
What if I can choose to be happy and that leads to more happiness?
p.s. I need to remember what my friend asked me recently: she asked "Back then it was considered responsible behaviour; now people have villified it." I remember, now that you asked this, yes, I remember. Thank you!
It would depend on how he presented it to me.
If he just wanted to reestablish a friendship, yes I'd love to be friends with him.
If he wanted to date me? My heart would skip a beat, an answer to a prayer, but with so much distrust part of my feelings for him. How could I, or would I even want to try to learn to trust him again?
The question has plagued me only because a psychic told me that would happen; or at least that is how she interpretted the message she was getting. I no longer seek psychic fortune tellers. I sought 2 psychic fortune tellers when I started the divorce in 2010; and they gave me contradictory information, and it made me so nervous, my intention became unfocused and filled with fear. I eschew psychic fortune tellers. Now I think of fortune tellers like the witches in MacBeth - wreaking havoc and tragedy whatever they touch.
She was an unsolisited psychic with an unwanted message. But I listened to her. She got a lot of details right. Things no one but me knows, not even First Love knows. She gets messages from living people frequently she said, dead people too, but living people. I think she misunderstood the message though. I can't imagine First Love ever wanting to be part of my life again. Still, it would be nice if he did want me.
There is a famous Indian tale of a woman who was madly in love with her husband, but then she was kidnapped by another man who wanted to have her. She fought off his advances and escaped back to her husband, who didn't believe she had been virtuous to him so he left her, abandoned her. She lead a wretched, heart-aching life. !! ALERT: SPOILERS --> Then many years later he repented and returned to her. When he asked to be reunited with her, she asked the gods to open up and swallow her into hell, they did and she jumped in, rather than return to her beloved husband.
What if First Love wanted to date me in future? It's a luxury to allow myself to think about that fantasy what if. Yet I worry too, that I'm not moving on. Worry that I'm allowing this past hurt to continue to hurt me. Worry that I'm just a skipping record, over and over repeating the same lines. I need to lift up the needle into the next groove -- move forward.
The psychic asked me why I would want to be with someone who would do what he did to me? I agree, why? Why have I loved men who betrayed my faithfulness, devotion and love? Why?
What if I allow myself to now fall in love with someone new who has the capacity to love me and treat me well? Am I ruined? Since I loved and was maimed, am I now unable to love fully? Can new love heal me from old wounds? How does love work?
What if I can choose to be happy and that leads to more happiness?
p.s. I need to remember what my friend asked me recently: she asked "Back then it was considered responsible behaviour; now people have villified it." I remember, now that you asked this, yes, I remember. Thank you!
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