Now that i've been following weight watchers for long enough that I'm over the big hunger adjustment, and taking vitamins long enough to keep me feeling more satiated and stronger, and just feeling as if I'm taking better care of myself generally, now I'm starting to feel greedy to lose weight. Thats a good place to be.
But frustratingly, because of all the work stress I have this this time of year, every year, I gained a pound and a half. That is very discouraging. When I was working and trying so hard to be good.
Plus I cannot get over Manchester, I am still grieving him everyday, it just gets stronger instead of fading. I have to pray constantly to get over my anxiety of losing him. I just adored him. Dear God if you take Manchester away from me you had better have someone a lot better in store for me, to replace him, because I knew him only 2 months, and my heart is just aching for him. I don't know what to do.
I'm moving in two different directions simultaneously. I have to pray at least once a day to calm down the anxiety in my heart that means I decided I might convert to Catholicism. Again turning to god as life becomes painful and disappointing again. Then I am desperate to find someone as nice as him or better, so that means I am dating as many men at one time as I possibly can. It's taking all my time and I think I don't like any of them very well. I would rather spend the time with my family but I don't dare break up with any of them men because I'm feeling so desperately needy.
I have to keep thanking god that this happened, because if I don't I could waste too much time over someone who maybe thinks I'm annoying or who hates me, and I could be mooning over someone who doesn't even like me. or at least doesn't like me enough. I have to get over him. I have to move on. I spent over half my life mourning idiot First Love and ruined a potentially very good relationship with second boyfriend because I was still stuck on First Love, I'm so stupid. I was so stupid. Now I have to learn from that mistake, I have to believe it happened for the best, and move on with optimism that all will be as good or better in future. The future is bright. Thank you god.
But frustratingly, because of all the work stress I have this this time of year, every year, I gained a pound and a half. That is very discouraging. When I was working and trying so hard to be good.
Plus I cannot get over Manchester, I am still grieving him everyday, it just gets stronger instead of fading. I have to pray constantly to get over my anxiety of losing him. I just adored him. Dear God if you take Manchester away from me you had better have someone a lot better in store for me, to replace him, because I knew him only 2 months, and my heart is just aching for him. I don't know what to do.
I'm moving in two different directions simultaneously. I have to pray at least once a day to calm down the anxiety in my heart that means I decided I might convert to Catholicism. Again turning to god as life becomes painful and disappointing again. Then I am desperate to find someone as nice as him or better, so that means I am dating as many men at one time as I possibly can. It's taking all my time and I think I don't like any of them very well. I would rather spend the time with my family but I don't dare break up with any of them men because I'm feeling so desperately needy.
I have to keep thanking god that this happened, because if I don't I could waste too much time over someone who maybe thinks I'm annoying or who hates me, and I could be mooning over someone who doesn't even like me. or at least doesn't like me enough. I have to get over him. I have to move on. I spent over half my life mourning idiot First Love and ruined a potentially very good relationship with second boyfriend because I was still stuck on First Love, I'm so stupid. I was so stupid. Now I have to learn from that mistake, I have to believe it happened for the best, and move on with optimism that all will be as good or better in future. The future is bright. Thank you god.
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