Practice

Nicest Boyfriend I've ever had kind of, sort of, broke up with me last night.  I'm not 100% certain we broke up, but 99% certain that is what happened.

It's not as if he's mad at me.  Even though he didn't say it,  I suspect he's afraid of my vegetarianism.  I think he's afraid I'll have weird food around that scares him, and that I'll be awkward at family and social functions.  I've been talking about my recent experimentations with vegan baking lately and I think that might put him off.

The other thing that is more tolerable but frustrating for him is that I'm so poor lately.  He wants to enjoy going on fun vacations, but I can't afford to do that right now.  Who knows if I ever will again?  I'm having trouble, I don't make enough money to support myself at present.  So hopefully I'll be able to fix that sooner than later.

So that, and this long winter, and everyone getting older, is bringing me down a bit.

Alright if I am to face the future alone then I have to find some peace in that.

I need more choices, and more choices comes in the form of being slimmer so that I have more confidence in social situations.  But until I am actually slim I have to practice self confidence as if I am already slim.  Practice makes perfect.  PRETEND I'm slim and make choices as if I'm slim.  That's what I need to do.  PRETEND I have confidence.  PRETEND I believe that god is looking out for me personally; which at times I really do believe but need to practice more to feel it more deeply.

"God bless us, everyone."

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